New Cat Army


  My friend Heather sent me an early 30th birthday present: A box of freaking cats!

So then I had hundreds of cats and nothing to do with them. I started randomly placing them on things. Picture frames, mostly. Then walking up my stairs. Then on the rails. Kind of like a Hitchcock movie. I took pictures and sent them to Heather to show her that the cats made it safely and were infiltrating nicely.

Then I had a few moments alone. With the cats. I did what any person would do. I pet them for a little bit…then tried to see how many I could fit in my mouth.  Just as I was reaching capacity, the nanny walked in. There was nothing I could do. I couldn’t explain. I couldn’t scream, “Don’t you judge me!” like I wanted to. I couldn’t tell her to look away. I couldn’t say anything. Because my mouth was full of cats.

 12. I can fit 12 cats in my mouth. Thank you Heather, for the fantastic gift…

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