I'm so funny? · nerds · pranks


looks like a normal sized table, yes?

So you’ve seen the table wars, yes? I’ve been left without a table. Which is fine, because I prefer to eat on the couch anyways. But it’s not totally conducive for family bonding (again, which is fine with me…but patriarch Lance…well, lame).  So I’ve been ALL OVER craigslist looking for a new table. I refuse to buy new. I learned that lesson when I bought the new van. I cried anytime anything touched it. Which happened a lot. My boys…have you met them? Not so much with the new stuff.  Also, new is expensive (which is relative to the amount of money you have in your pocket. So since the cost of Abby’s inhailed steroids went up a full 900% (!) this week, buying new was out of the question). I LOVE craigslist. I’m AWESOME at finding awesome deals. And I love doing it. It’s like garage saling without having to leave my house or interact with people. PERFECTION. But, like most craigslisters, I suck at following through. So I found this table. Loved it. But he wanted $100 more than was in my table budget. So I asked if he’d go less and he’d only knock off $50. So then Heather worked her magic and got him to knock of the full $100!  Then she went ahead and FOLLOWED THROUGH for me. I suck at the follow through! She called, arranged a time, put my pants on for me and went with me to get the table so I wouldn’t get murdered. The table is AWESOME! So much more awesome than the pricetag would infer. It’s a counter height table with SIX chairs that all still have their original plastic on them. It came from a couple that doesn’t have any kids and barely used it. He was from Fiji (he said,  though he looked like a very kind terrorist to me) and she was from India and, get this, they weren’t killers! Not even close! They were very nice. He helped us load it up and gave us this really fancy blanket with a tiger on it so that the table didn’t get scratched. He even had twin and little red flags to put on my car because I couldn’t shut the tailgate. Then they invited us to their house and we thought about how funny it would have been if meeting at the storage facility was just a screening process and that they were really going imprison us in their home…but it turns out they only wanted to give us an extra set of screws and some beverages. Good folk.

But because the table is HUGE there was no room in the car for Abbo. So I made Erin drop what she was doing in Silverdale and come over and get Abby and watch her for the entire day (I left her with my AWESOME babysitter Sarah in the meantime. Not alone. We’ll wait a good year before we do that…).

Realizing that we weren’t going to make it back in time to get Casey off the bus anyways, I arranged for Lance to pickup Abby at E’s house and then get Casey off the bus. All was well, so Heather and I headed off for the Auburn Supermall. It was merely coincidence that the perfect table was by the perfect place. We wandered the mall and then the ginormous Walmart. Have you seen that one? It’s insane. I could have spent a week there.

But I had this nagging feeling I had forgotten something. All day.

Then, on the way home, I realized that E had a free pass at my house. Again. The horror. And I come home to this:

She freaking gave me alone time- with nachos! She knew the only time I’m truly by myself is when I’m in the bathroom (well, most of the time…if we’re close, you’ve heard me in there when I’m on the phone with you…). So she gave me a party in the potty. Fantastically tasty and good looking prank, E. And yes, it’s where we’re going to live up Cinco De Mayo.

(on a side note, word has it that there’s a video of many people having a party in the bathroom before I got home…I’ll post it when I torture it out of them)

Still though. That nagging feeling like something wasn’t right…oh freaking hell! Peyton! I’d left him over at the Thorely’s ALL DAY. Now, I’ve been super forgetful lately anyways. Like how I drove all the freaking way to Janna’s OLD house…the one she hasn’t lived in for MONTHS. But to forget my son? Terrible. I freaking love Mary T., though. She didn’t call or anything. Just kept him. Indefinitely. Thanks, M. I will reward you.


The table is home. It’s set up. It’s huge. Comically freaking huge. Come over and have a good laugh. It’s a Magnusson sized table in a Janna B. sized (talking human size, not her home size- which is now in the Ridge-just so you know) house. It’s like if Jack climbed the beanstalk and instead of getting the golden goose he brought home the giant’s table. The only way it’s going to work is if we tear out two walls. Two walls that I want to tear out anyways. And so does Lance. (the walls behind the picture with the clock and the dumb wood thing on them)  But we can’t. Unless someone happens to run at the wall with a mallet making such damage that it would necessitate us fixing the problem. Kind of like I did with my old table…Yes?  No. No more tricking Lance into doing things. At least not right now.

Keep in mind the scale. Lance is a giant and the table looks small next to him. I’m SO sad about it. I love the table SO SO much. It’s so pretty and so perfect and so huge.

Like me.

So what did we learn today?

1. I’ve got GOOD friends. Friends who will risk their lives to get me a table. Who don’t complain when I almost kill us several times. (who also is co-hosting and co-freaking-paying for Abby’s birthday party- she handed me some cash today to go for it and I said “no” and threw it back at her and she got all sorts of ugly and screamed “STAY OUT OF MY BUSINESS!” I love her).  Also, friends who will go in my bathroom. That’s a big deal by itself. I have three boys with poor aim. Then decorate it. Then party in it. Then leave me a treat.

2. Sometimes measuring just isn’t enough.

3. It’s not better to love and lost than to never have loved at all. I LOVE that table. Love it. Now I have to sell it.

4. Measure twice, buy once. 

5.  Eating alone in a bathroom is quite soothing.

I'm so funny? · nerds

Your Move, Hoskins.

 So after I used my hammer to get off the legs I was thinking about what to do with the table. I thought it would make a GREAT sign. For the Hoskins.

So Lance and I left it in front of E’s garage. Now they have it. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if they used the wood to burn my house down at this point.

I'm so funny? · nerds


So last night was happy happy hockey night. Best night of the week, really. But before I left I heard Lance and stupidClint scheming on the phone. I knew they were up to no good. But I had so much rage to get out that I HAD to go to hockey.

I took Lance’s car and on the way home I hid it. Kind of like a pre-retaliation retaliation. So I walked home, went around the back of the house, sneaked up to the back door and banged on it as hard as I could. Lance jumped, but didn’t scream like a girl, like I had hoped. That’s when I noticed this:

They went out into the forest, got the damn table, crudely screwed back in the legs (one of them BACKWARDS), painted it, and put it back in my house. It’s back to being “functional” again.  So much rage. Then Clint made Lance take a bunch of pictures of him (I’m not sure if that’s exactly how it happened, but I have like fourteen pictures of Clint on my camera).

Then this morning, instead of hunting down his own car, Lance found my keys and stole mine.


So so nerdy.

           You know what the biggest problem for a wackjob is? The fact that wackjobs usually have wackjobs for friends. Such is the case with me. We’ve been going back and forth pranking each other. Today. They got me. The worst part was that my house was a WRECK. They {broke} in and hung pictures of themselves all over my house. Which, if you think about it, is actually quite nice. I’ve lived in my house for 6 years and still have bare walls. FREE ART! Woooo. I’ve coveted the Holyoak picture for a while. I even had a place and vinyl prepared for it specifically. So when they brought it over this morning, it was more like a gift than anything else. 
The senior pictures of Clint though, I can’t even look at them. There just aren’t words. 
They hung them all over my house. Changed out the family pictures I had up in the entry way. Put a picture of Phil K. holding a severed head next to my bed. The Marmy clan in my bathroom. Awesome. 
I had to rehang the Holyoak one where it was intended, though. The vinyl was a nice touch, I thought.
 They’re not getting them back. I’ve used them to make a shrine. Which is another think I can now check off my “to do” list. Thanks, nerds.                                                                                    
Abby · Down syndrome · nerds


I wanted to have some clear direction before I posted again, but I’m too spacy fore that. So you’re going to get another list of Random Magnusson Awesomeness (or RMA).
Like the look of my blog? I’ve been learning how to do blog design in HTML. I hate HTML at the moment, but sooner or later we’ll apologize and probably hug and cry and I’ll get back to spending stupid amounts of time tinkering with my blog because I think it’s fun. I can do it for yours, too. I’m hoping to write tutorials, but we’ll see.                                                                                             
poor sick little girl.

Abby is doing MUCH better. She no longer needs breathing treatments every four hours (she’s down to like three a day from six, which is soo soo nice. She’s happy and laughing and all of that good stuff again. While we were in the hospital she said “mama” twice. I have one of those times on video which I need to cut down and post on here. I watch it about seventeen times a day. She’s starting to sit up a little bit more on her own. She’ll sit in the “tripod” stance (legs spread apart and both hands down on the floor in between them) for 10-15 seconds at a time before she slowly, while still smiling, falls to the side.  She’s the sweetest girl.

You know what’s something I didn’t think about when Abby was born? How much OTHER PEOPLE would need HER. There have been several occasions where people have stopped by to get what Pam refers to as their “Abby fix”. There really is something about holding her that is calming and wonderful. She’s like holding Heaven. I’m a lucky girl.

So when Pam came she brought cupcakes. I need to stop half-kidding around on facebook about things that I love. Because people are good to me. I would have a picture right here of said cupcakes, or even one of them, but guess what? They didn’t last that long. They were the MOST delightful things I’ve ever eaten in my life. She needs to open a cupcake shop. But it’s good that she doesn’t have one yet. I’d weigh 900 pounds.

Speaking of pounds- I’m past the HALFWAY mark to my weight loss goal, which is huge for me, because I’m a BIG girl.  I’ve lost 23 pounds. This last week with the stress of Abby being sick and Lance being gone was awesome for the diet. Not so much for the nutrition. But I’m back on track with that. Minus the delicious, delicious cupcakes of glory.

What else? I’ve taken up floor hockey. Erin made me do it. It’s so awesome. What better way for me to get out my pent up rage than to bodycheck a mean Mormon Mom who also has much pent up rage. Why didn’t we think of this sooner? They play a couple of times a week.  I woke up this morning sore in the strangest places from playing yesterday rolled over and groaned, “I can’t wait for hockey tonight.”

Allright. That’s it. You heard everything I would have told my mom when I tried calling her today. So this might be one of those all too nauseating “look how awesome I am” posts, but stick it, I drew you a freaking picture!

autism · Casey · family · nerds · Peyton

Random tidbets of Magnusson awesomeness.

Usually, ( I act like) I’m against any sort of transgression. It’s wrong. Don’t sin. Unless it totally works out in my favor. Or my brother in law’s favor. Have I told you that my BIL is on BYU’s basketball team ?

You can snicker at that because you know that’s pretty much how I introduce myself, “hi, I’m Lexi- yes, Lexi MAGNUSSON, you know like the Magnusson on BYU’s basketball team? You don’t? No, not Fredette. MAGNUSSON. The best looking one. And I’m not just saying that because he looks like his brother and his brother is HOT. Anyways, I sleep with his brother!”                                               Well, he is (on the team, jerks…he’s my BIL!) . And just today he got to play for like 67 minutes. And he played AWESOME!   It’s so nice to have a claim to fame. I’ve been holding on to that incident with Nicholas Cage for way too long.  Logan was on ESPN tonight, too. Which is way cool because ESPN is always on. It’s March. 
Lets see. What else. Well, if we’re not friends on Facebook you missed that Peyton decided to wear a top hat to Marky’s baptism tonight. Yes. A top hat. 
Casey’s had a rough week. He’s kind of like me though. Stress brings out the cleverness. Yesterday he came home and got right in the bathtub. We can usually gauge what kind of day Casey has by how quickly he gets in the tub. Yesterday he was almost naked by the time he got in the house. So I knew that in five minutes, my phone would ring and I’d have to apologize for something- and usually something I later find HILARIOUS. Like earlier this week. Casey got mad that it wasn’t Valentine’s day and freaked out and kicked a car. Did some damage to the car (but why was he even in a place where he could kick a car, am I right? I should have asked that but when I talked to her again yesterday, she said not to worry about it and I was SO not going to push it).  So yesterday Casey had spent some time in the “quiet room”. And by “quiet” they mean “padded”. Did you know schools have those? I didn’t. Not until I had to sign seven forms saying that it may have to be used for when Casey head butts a teacher.  Yesterday he was mad that he Bryson* (name changed to protect identity and because I can’t remember) because Bryson likes school. I asked him about it and Casey said, “it’s because Bryson’s soooo laaaammmmmeeeee.” Anyways, Bad day. So Lance and I are “talking” (not a euphemism, but to say that “we” were talking is usually invalid. Lance doesn’t say much)  and we hear Casey get out of the tub. He goes to get on some clothes (if we would help him he wouldn’t have to go commando in some of Peyton’s clothes…but we’re encouraging him to become more independent- which is different way of saying “we’re lazy”) and Peyton asks Casey to play dudes with him. Casey says no and Peyton asks why. Casey says, “Probably because you’re ugly.”  Peyton tells him he’s not and Casey says, “Well then it’s because you smell bad”. And heads off. Thank you Spongebob, for teaching Casey 95% of his dialect.
Yesterday I found myself yelling over and over again at Peyton, “Do NOT screw the duck!” Peyton had the power screwdriver and my duck figurine. Thought I’d clarify that. 
Do you play Words With Freinds? (I’d call it WWF, but then you’d automatically think I’m whitetrash. I’d like you to get to know me before you come to that conclusion) If you do, find me. I’m Lexipmagnus and I will beat you. Mostly because that’s what I do when I feed Abby. Feeding Abby takes about a half an hour a bottle, so I have nothing but time.
I can’t type and feed her a bottle though or I would have already told you about how much I love Bazzill Basics Paper (The post is coming…it really is) or about how much crap is in the back of my Sequoia to go the Goodwill. I’ll have to take a picture. Also, a forest grew in my bedroom an my name isn’t even Max!
drawings · LDS · nerds

Melissa, the awesome.

When you’re like me, wondering why the heck God has given you the trials you have comes quite naturally. Why not spread them out over a couple of families, not just mine? Why not give these heartaches to someone who can handle it so much better? How about someone who has better coping skills and doesn’t turn to food and caffeinated drinks to cope? Hmmm?

It’s because God loves me more than he does you.

Really. He saw how awesome I was in the pre-existence and hooked me up with awesome blessings in this life. But I couldn’t JUST have the blessings, so he had to give me a couple of trials to balance that all out. My Dad told my sister Melanie once that “God loves who he chastens…so he must love you a lot” ha ha sucker! He loves me more (and so did Dad, if you’re wondering). Juuuuussst kidding. You see the point I’m trying to make though, right?

I have a child with autism. Another with Down syndrome. I’m pretty sure I’ve made that abundantly clear. One of the hardest parts of this FOR ME (not for the kids…they have it a lot tougher) is how lonely it feels. I don’t have many friends that have even ONE kid with a disability…let alone two. That doesn’t mean they aren’t awesome and fun and HUGELY helpful to me. They do everything they can. But there comes a point where you just want someone else to know what you’re going through and be able to talk it through with them. I know that the Savior knows what I’m going through. I know that he’s felt this weight I carry. He knows, and He wanted me to have someone who I could talk to. He also knew that I’m a wackadoo and it would have to be someone AWESOME who could put up with me.

So it was no coincidence to me when Melissa and I found each other. I love the Babycenter community pages. I get to talk to other parents of children with autism or Down syndrome. But not both. There really isn’t a forum for that. So one day I had posted in the Down syndrome room about also having a child with autism. I got this letter from someone with the screen name “Melly…” about how she has a son with Asperger’s, OCD and tourrettes and is pregnant with a boy who has Down syndrome. I quickly wrote her back and asked her to find me on Facebook. She did and we became friends. I posted something about the Church to which she commented on. She’s a mom with a child on the spectrum who’s having a baby with Down syndrome and she’s a MEMBER?! It also turns out that she lives in Heber City- which is where Lance’s family lives.

It’s one of those moments where God isn’t simply
showing his hand in my life, he’s WAVING it.

We’ve been friends for a while now and we write each other several times a week. She already knows way too much about me and I have enough to hold over her head to force her to be my friend forever. She’s been SUCH a blessing in my life. I can tell her things that I wouldn’t tell anyone else. I’ve come to terms with a lot of the emotions I’ve been feeling lately. On top of that, she’s crazy funny and totally uplifting all at once. Things like this just can’t be coincidence! They can’t!

The Gospel is true. God lives and knows each of us personally. He knows what we need and stands ready to bless us. I know this.

You know what else? This baby will be Melissa’s SIXTH kid.
God loves her more than he does me.

confessions · drawings · nerds

Things that haunt my dreams.

As I sat down here I was trying to think about what my Sunday blog post would say. I went through some pictures, trying to think of something spiritual I learned at church and how it can be applied to my daily life. Until I found this picture, and as you can see by the title of my blog post, this haunts my dreams.

This is my brother in law, Jeff. He goes through cycles of being dead/not dead to me. I can’t remember where he is right now. Maybe not dead to me? That way I can make him dead to me when he does something “nice” like tells my sister the vinyl came from me. It didn’t. It came from him. He arranged it and is a liar.

Anyways, Jeff doesn’t haunt my dreams. Not anymore. Neither do dudes with knives. Those dreams belong to my sisters. Along with the murderers in their basements. I’m not really afraid of that. You know that if you’ve ever been to my house when I wasn’t there, tried the door to find it unlocked and let yourself in. Fortunately, the only ones I know who did this left treats (like this sweet thing you stick over the stuff you’re nuking in the microwave so it doesn’t get your microwave dirty? That was Misty. You can learn more about her in the sidebar).

My dreams lately have had my skinny friends in them. They haunt my dreams. Them in their cute jeans. It’s mostly Jill (have I told you this, Jilly (can I call you Jilly?)? If not SURPRISE…you haunt my dreams) and E. We’re always exercising or cleaning. Those dreams are horrifying. I’ll find pictures of these chicks so you can see how freaking scary they are.

That’s Jill with…YES…John Freaking Travolta. Is it sad that my only claim to fame in my life is that my friend met John Travolta, got a picture with him with his arm around her (gasp! really, if the thought of that doesn’t make your heart pound you’re mostly dead inside) IN HIS JET. He even kissed her. It’s a jealousy that might quickly become obsessive, so I’ll end that. *she did just give me permission to photoshop my head onto her daughters.) <—-that’s not an emoticon if you’re wondering. I don’t use those. Not ever.

This is E. Or E-Hos. Or Hosfrizzo (fo shizz-o!)

Take it in.
Take it all in.

That picture is my most favorite thing.

Okay, back to things that haunt my dreams. My dreams almost ALWAYS take place in Phoenix. I remember things in my dreams about my house in Phoenix that I haven’t thought about in years. Like the awesome monochromatic living room in shades of deep fuschia (my husband could remember the name of this color when I couldn’t. It makes him gay…also, when I wikied “shades of pink” I learned that there is really a shade of pink called “shocking pink.” I once knew a little girl who’s room was that shade. It pulsated. I swear it). or that place behind the couch we used to hide behind when mom got mad. But it’s friends from Washington in Phoenix. You’d think we’d dry out or something.

I wonder why all my dreams are stuck in Phoenix. I wish that because we are there anyways, my dad would just show up. I miss that dude. I think about him a lot. He’d really be into iphones.

{ I’m actually trying to get this post away from actual dreams to things that scare me. But it’s not working. So I’m going to say these things do actually haunt my dreams just for continuity’s sake.}

Cancer. Whenever I have a lump – like this weird one above my ear- it’s cancer. Or a headache. Brain tumor. It’s always freaking cancer. I think when you’ve seen cancer so much in your life, it kind of becomes ingrained in your psyche. If you believe in psyche’s, which I don’t. I always think too that any odd scrape I have that I can’t remember getting is a flesh eating bacteria, mostly because of an Oprah show I caught.

I think I’ve mentioned this one before, but large cylinders that gradually come to a really sharp points really scare me. It makes me all fidgety just thinking about it.

Death. I’m not afraid to die. I’m really not. I had a dream that I died once. It was the best dream I’ve ever had. Really. Got killed by an airplane. It was instantaneous and for a moment I was in Heaven (in my dream) and it was so awesome I could die. That’s ironic. Anyways, I can’t die. If having one child with special needs makes it so I have to live a long, loooong life, having two pretty much means I’m invincible. Like that dude on that show. I can’t die. This thought scares me. Did you see that movie “Dead Again”? My dad used to wear a shirt from the movie that was made to look like he had a cannon shot through him. Fun fact.

{want to know another fun fact about me? I have NINETEEN pairs of stretchy pants…if that doesn’t warrant a call to “What Not to Wear” I don’t know what does. But not yet. Wait 4 months until I’m as skinny as the chicks that haunt my dreams}

family · holidays · nerds

Obligatory Christmas Post

Twas the night before Christmas… We spent Christmas Eve with the Hoskins. We like them. This is Clint (the dude that I said had horns he had to file down but really doesn’t) reading to the kids.

This is the culmination of months of preparation, one all night shopping spree and several panic attacks.

And like everything in my life that I spend a long time on it got turned to this…

I love it. I really do. We had a GREAT Christmas.

Family Christmas photo/outting myself as a fatty. The second part of that is being remedied. Aren’t we cute? Peyton’s smile is broken.
This picture is perfection. It’s totally my boys. Carter is so freaking handsome. Peyton is pyschotic and Casey is my joy.


I have good friends.

We had a rough morning. Casey does not love church. Lately, we’ve had to drag him in kicking, screaming and biting. Today wasn’t that bad. BUT, in our rush to get out of the house, we had forgotten to give him his ADHD pill and had forgotten to grab his ear covers. Double fail. Without either, I was pretty sure I was just going to have to take him right back home. We lasted through Carter’s talk and the first song before Casey got mad that he didn’t get called on to hold some bells during singing time. He started kicking me. I took him to the back of the room where he began to pound on the curtain in between us and the older kids’ class. I had no choice but to take him out. As I’m walking him down the hall, Farrell James stopped and asked how I was doing, was super cool to Casey and then asked if I needed help. It meant so much to me.

I get down the hall to the foyer where I see a couple of friends and we begin talking. I’m carrying Casey at this point and my back HURT. I put him down where Farrell’s wife, Heather, one of my very best friends, took Casey on her lap and talked to him about Christmas. They then made an entire list of what Casey wanted for Christmas. Then Heather traced his shoes and made sharks out of the shoe prints. Casey was so calm and so happy. So I was so calm and so happy. Heather then gave up going to Relief Society to stay with Casey so that both Lance and I could go to Young Men and Young Women, where we have callings.

Heather has an amazing way of just being there when I need her. She always just knows. There was a day when Lance was gone (did I write this before?) out of town and I was so tired I thought I was going to lose it. I was trying to find a babysitter so I could take Abby to the doctor and was unsuccessful. I hadn’t showered in DAYS. My house was a wreck. Then at my door comes Heather’s distinctive knock. I answer the door and she says, “We’re here to help. What can we do for you?” She had two of her girls with her, and they came in and held Abby while I showered. They cleaned. The girls then watched my boys while I went to the doctor and to the store. She was an answer to prayer that day.

After I had Abby, everything was kind of a blur. Lance had sent out a text, we called our families and that was about it. We had only one phone with us, and it was slowly dieing. Abby wasn’t doing as well as we would like, and I was exhausted. I was sort of at a loss at that point. I was so excited to have Abby, but so overwhelmed. Then Heather showed up. I didn’t have to ask her… she just came. I needed her. I needed her to be there and to love Abby like we did. I’ve needed her this last six months since Abby was born. She’s made it a party.

Heather is one of a handful of people who have ever been brave enough to OFFER to watch all of my kids. She does this a lot. It’s not like she has a lot of time on her hands. She has six kids. She’s been in school full time, graduated with her degree in Education in May and now is working on her Master’s degree. She’s crazy busy all summer doing festivals and when she’s not attending her school during the year, she’s volunteering at the kids’ school. But when I call and tell her I need her to talk me down from a ledge, she’s right there. No one can make me laugh like Heather. No one.

Her kids amaze me, too. I’m fortunate enough to work with the Beehives (the 12 and 13 year old girls at church) and currently have two of her girls in my class. Courtney, the second oldest is so so dear to me. She has the same sort of service oriented heart as her mom. She’s always been SO good with Casey. She’s a real natural with him and with other people with different needs. She’s patient and kind to everyone. I’ve known her half her life now, and I’m constantly amazed at the girl she’s turning into. She’s beautiful inside and out. Mickaela is 12 and LOVES Abby. She wanted to go with me to my ultrasounds when I was pregnant. She comes over every Wednesday to help me with my kids. She’s always SO excited- like I’m the one doing her the favor.

Anyways, back to today. What a blessing she was again today. Her husband, too. She doesn’t draw attention to these things that she does. She never acts like it’s that big of a deal, but it always is to me. Thank you Heather for being there for me. For being my friend even though you know entirely too much about me. I love you with all of my heart.

I’m grateful for good friends. We are blessed to live in an area where so many people have gone out of their way to be good to us. Where people know our situation, know that we bail on planned activities at an alarming rate, but are still willing to extend invitations. We don’t have any family out here, but have never felt like we were without.

autism · confessions · family · nerds


You know, from the outside, I can see how people would think that our life is tough. Or that we’re good people because of the challenges we face. Sometimes it really is. But we are so blessed. So so eternally blessed. It is challenging to have a lot given to us on our proverbial ‘plates’. But what I think is especially awesome is when people actively search for ‘food’ from others ‘plates’ to fill their own. For people who carry a little of our weight- especially when they don’t have to. Those are the BEST people. So I’ll name a few I know (but not all, definitely not all…there’s not enough time for that)

For everyone who made Abby’s birth not just a wonderful blessing- but a party. For my ward who rallies around us and our children. The people in the hall who coo over Abby or give Casey a high five. The teachers who have taught Carter lessons that he works so hard to remember in his life. Any teacher who has ever been called to teach Peyton. Ever. Every leader I had growing up that magnified their calling and helped me on my way. For Bishop Carter who got me to the temple.

I’m grateful for the people in the grocery store who do not judge me when my six year old throws himself on the ground and kicks at you as you walk by, but instead, ask what you can do to help. For the old man who held Peyton for me at Walmart while I ran to chase down Casey.

For the Fagers who have made their home Casey’s Disneyland.

For Pam Caudill who ‘likes’ every stupid thing I say on Facebook, who makes me feel funny, and who loves Abby as much as I do.

For my good neighbors. We live in a great neighborhood where everyone is so patient and wonderful to us. For teaching their kids to serve- a month doesn’t go by when we don’t see Chess, our sixteen year old neighbor, sneaking over to mow our front lawn. His sister is over at our house at a drop of a hat to help out and has more than once refused payment. For Tiffany who has shown me how to be happy when things are at their hardest. To trust in God no matter what.

For the Hoskin’s who force us to be social, even when it’s much easier for us to just stay home. For being our friends even when they knew going into it that we weren’t the easiest family to get together with. Who razz us without prejudice when we bail on any planned activity.

For Heather James who makes me feel wise and useful. Who is always willing to pick me up, at any time, during the day or night, to feast on nachos and listen to me vent about things that suck. For how much she adores my kids and makes each one of them feel special every time she’s with them.

For anyone who pretended not to notice when I’d gone too long between the times I took care of my facial hair.

For Mary Felts who brings the kids treats once a week and who got genuinely mad when she didn’t know I was having surgery done.

For Mandee who I could not love more even if she had stayed in Port Orchard. She’s a true friend. We hadn’t seen each other for YEARS when I saw her down in Phoenix, and it was like nothing had changed. I love her like a sister.

For my family. I could go on and on and on about how much I love each and every one of them, but for right now I’ll just talk about a couple of them.

For my brother Travis who tells me I’m great even when he knows me too well. For his wife who is constantly called upon to be my therapist. Travis had the opportunity to go to graduation where he would have sat in the presence of the entire first presidency. Because he was faculty there was probably a chance he would have got to shake their hands. I don’t know. That was also the morning that Lance had his kidney stone, and in stead, Travis chose to stay at home and play with my kids. He’s been Casey’s #1 favorite person since then. Travis and Katie are truly people that take from other people’s plates. Proverbially (and sometimes literally). They quietly serve those around them. I’m sure they do a lot more than anyone of us will ever know.

For Missy who is so good about keeping in touch even though she knows I suck at it. Who still tries hard even though I’m not good at reciprocity in this area (and anyone who’s ever talked to me on the phone knows I’m not a good phone talker). I love her for that.

For Melanie. There aren’t enough good things I can say about her. She is who I want to be.

For other family members who keep up on how we are doing and who pray for us.

I love my life. I have such wonderful people in it. I could go on for hours with this list. Just because I didn’t name you this time, doesn’t mean I don’t love you to pieces and aren’t totally grateful for your service and love.

Heavenly Father did give us some extra trials (wrapped in the cutest bundles you have ever seen). But He also gave us the best friends and family that make everything so much easier.

confessions · nerds


I’m on heavy painkillers. You should know this from the start. Had my tubes tied and my uterus set aflame. Awesome. I’m doing good, thanks for asking. Hopefully I won’t need said painkillers coming in the next day or two. They make me feel fuzzy. And not the warm and fuzzy kind. He didn’t give me those kind. He gave me the angry and fuzzy kind. I’m not pleasant.

So I’ve been thinking a lot about woooorrrrdddddsssssssss. Here are a few that keep popping in my head the last couple of days:

the kids found that gosh aweful “fred” movie on Disney. I want to go postal. I could. Really. He’s the worst and they think he’s the best. It’s terrible. Horrible. No good. Very bad. But, it is entertaining to plot his death.

Add to that that Carter is starting to play the violin this week.

I’m thinking about starting up the prozac again.


Have you met Abby? If you have, you know deeply what this word means. I am completely enamored with this little baby. This morning I had her in bed next to me- we slept in together. I was watching her sleep, not in a creepy way, when she turned her head to me, opened her eyes and smiled really really big.

I was a little worried before she was born that I’d ever love a girl the way I love my boys. I ADORE my boys. I shouldn’t have been worried. I can’t even begin to tell you what this little girl does to me. She’s my PEACE. When I start to get worried about the future, about the cost of care, about blah blah blah…I go hold Abby. It always is all right when I hold her.

She’s starting to laugh a little now, too. Lance can get her to laugh. She’s enamored with her father. When he’s in the room, she’s looking at him. I love how much they love each other. It doesn’t show so much in that last picture. She does not love the whiskers.

Abby is a GIFT. 100 per cent.

Love Handles

I truly get the meaning of the words above.

I’m jiggly all over. Jolly jiggly. But I think I’d rather be mean and skinny. So that’s what I’m embarking on. I’m down 10, or was before my surgery. I’m even thinking about posting a ‘before’ picture so you guys can see the radical transformation in the weeks to come. Because it will. Because I’m tired of being so fluffy.

This picture of me is AWESOME. We were playing Quelf. I was a weeping willow tree of awesomeness.

The picture doesn’t adequately show off my love handles, but you really don’t have to imagine to know they are there. Loving you.


Mary Felts

This is Abby and Mary Felts. Just as I had handed Abby to her, Abby smiled her first real smile. I guess she could feel how wonderful Mary is. Mary is the lady who makes a whole pie for every dad on Father’s day. She brings us and half the ward bread every week. She is the lady who wouldn’t let me tell her ‘no’ to doing all of my laundry for the past month. She said she had to do it to get her Personal Progress award. Again. I love this lady with all of my heart. What a blessing she is to my family and to our Ward! I want to be just like her.

Carter · confessions · family · nerds

Good intentions always end up in bulleted lists.

I’ve been doddling around on the subject of Abby’s birth. I’ve wanted to write it so it would be as amazing as it was and I’m nowhere close. I’ve written whole pages and then deleted them. I should probably not do that. I’ve got to realize that no writing will ever do it justice, and just do it, so hopefully it’ll happen soon. We’ll see.
So for now, I’m just going to write excerpts from real life. and some made up stuff, I’m sure.

  • June’s over. It was a big month for me. Had a baby. She’s beautiful. Had a baby who needed to stay at the hospital after I went home. I hate that! June is also my birthday month. This birthday all I wanted to do was GIVE BIRTH, but I’m so glad I didn’t. She needed more time. The doctor won that bet. This June was also the 15th anniversary of my father’s passing. Man I miss him. I’m pretty sure my dad pulled some strings in Heaven to give us the gift of Abby. I’m grateful for that.
  • I got to spend some time with my mom. I adore her. So much. She was amazing. When she left it took some adjusting to having to do things around my house. She had to have done non stop dishes while she was here because she was gone seven minutes and I had to do two loads. She also had to deal with a massive Casey breakdown as he was clawing at the stuff we had in our garbage pile for garbage amnesty day just as the dudes were coming to get it. That’s a lot. They should really stop letting us put stuff out for that day. But for us, it’s like a holiday. I didn’t write enough good things about my mom. I suck for that.
  • I finished some of Abby’s paperwork for the Early Intervention center here. When I called the secretary remembered Casey. It was my first foray into the kind of reaction I get when people learn that I have an autistic son and a Down syndrome daughter. I think the paperwork made things a little more (too?) real for me. There’s a lot to do. This month hasn’t been without me breaking down. Not because I’m sad, but because I’m afraid. I’m also hormonal. Like a crazy woman. Or like a bat. I picture bats being hormonal. Either way, I am scared. I don’t know if I’m mom enough to handle this. I’m grateful for prayer. A lot a lot of prayer. I’m also grateful for the wonderful people I have who not only tell me I can do this, but are also there to help.
  • I’m SO grateful for Carter. He has always been old for his age, but this month especially. Sometimes I forget that he’s only seven. Today we were having a conversation in the car and he asked, “why did Heavenly Father send us Abby?”. I thought that alone was pretty profound. I told him that Heavenly Father thinks he is pretty great and that he’s such a great big brother to Casey when he needs extra help that he knew he could send us another one who would need a little extra help and it would be okay. He says, ” I think it’s okay, too.” And that’s Carter. He will rise to the occasion and not think twice about it. He gets that from his dad.
  • I got to ride in an ambulance last week. Awesome. It was because of a really awful complication from a complication of the delivery. If you want the gruesome details, I will provide. I’m not scared. But they are GROSS. I was scared though. I thought my hospital stay would mean that the shower they were having the next day wouldn’t happen. But it did. Oh did it. See next bullet.
  • Okay so my shower was so freaking awesome that if you weren’t there you would think I was making the details up. For reals. I can’t wait to get the pictures back from Kylie (HINT HINT) so that I can put up a whole post about the awesomeness of the shower, of my friends, of my ward and especially of HEATHER JAMES. Oh man. It was awesome.
  • My uterus knows I’m done with it and has launched an assault. She two bullets above.
  • It’s midnight. I need to clean my wreck of a house because the family is coming in for Abby’s blessing (Sunday at the Hoover building at 9 am). The baby is stirring a little. I think I’ll wake her so we can play and I can not clean. Ever.

This post was long and it didn’t have any pictures. I hate posts like that. Sorry.