If I have ever told you that you were my favorite, it was a lie. Lance is my favorite. And I’m not ashamed to say it. I love my husband the very most. That’s not to say that I don’t really REALLY love my kids and Pam Caudill, I just love Lance that much more.
Mostly because I’m going to be with him forever.
I think I’ve shared this statistic before, but 86% of all parents of children with autism divorce. (statistically, parents with children with Down syndrome are more likely to stay together then the average population…). When I learned that statistic I decided that I was going to do everything I could to be the best wife to him that I could be.
I was about 3 years behind him. He decided the day we got married to be the best husband. And he has been.
My husband is proof that God directs our lives. I would have never on my own known that he would be so perfect for me, and for our children. I can’t see into the future. But Heavenly Father could. Lance told me he loved me for the first time in June of 2001. He asked me to marry him the beginning of July. We got married in August. I was 19. NINETEEN! But when I prayed to know if I should marry Lance or not my confirmation was SO strong that I knew he was supposed to be my husband. It happened so fast. I remember at our reception people would say, “Oh I can see how in love you guys are!” and I would think “You can?” It wasn’t that I wasn’t head over heels in love with Lance. I had stalked him for some time before I forced him to date me. It was just that I didn’t feel like we both were that couple that was so crazy about each other that we couldn’t stand being apart and blah blah blah. There wasn’t a high level of infatuation. I loved him deeply- but getting married was still a HUGE leap of faith for me.
But I know this to be true: When God speaks and man listens, man will never go wrong. I’m so glad I listened.
Because now I’m so freaking crazy in love with my husband- and it just grows every day. I did not know that I could love someone so much.
He’s so good to me and the boys. Every day when he gets home he drops his keys and his badge and finds the kids to play with them, or takes over what I’m doing (or not doing) for dinner. He does anything I ask him to do (except buy me a cat, that louse) and never complains. He truly makes my burdens lighter.
I think part of the reason so many parents of children with ASD get divorced is because Dads really do have a tough time accepting that anything is wrong with their kid. Lance was supportive of me through getting Casey tested and diagnosed. The best part about it is, he never treated Casey like there was anything wrong. He never skipped a beat. I needed that, because I skipped several. I grieved for a long time. I wondered if I ever would look at Casey and see the boy, not the autism. Lance has shown me how to do that. And then when Abby was born in the few seconds of fear and sadness I had after I saw that she has Down syndrome, he was overwhelmed with nothing but pure love. He bonded with her instantly- and she him.
I’ve learned to be a good mom by watching him be a good dad. In a lot of ways, I’ve followed his lead. It comes very naturally to him, and to be quite honest, it doesn’t to me. I didn’t really know how to act around kids until I had my own. I mostly just put them places and hoped they would stay. I was a terrible babysitter.
But I digress. Really? I have a happy HAPPY life. My day is filled with a baby that doesn’t sleep much during the day but is always happy- even if I don’t realize she’s been awake for some time in her crib- she just lays there and coos and then gets all excited when I pick her up. I have Peyton that makes me laugh SO HARD all day. He’s a weird kid. He’s a lot like his Price uncles. Nerdy. Funny. (So yesterday I was sitting here at the computer with Abby and Peyton comes up to me giggling holding something in front of his face, saying, “look what I got” just as I realized it was one of the wheels to the seat I was on, I started to lean and fall. He laughed his deep gutterall laugh and ran upstairs and hid)
But I digress. A lot.
I think that God balances out our lives, if we let Him. I think I have a few extra challenges (like not being able to spell or have a kitten) because I there had to be a balance to the kind of guy He gave me. I’ll take whatever I have to, though. He’s worth it.
blah blah blah MUSH blah blah blah.