So blubbery right now.

Ever since I decided to stop caring how people “see” me and just be myself, I’ve found this blog to be hugely liberating. And, at the same time, I’ve found how much I truly LOVE to write. How the words come to me when I sit at my computer. I really do work hard on each post. Each word is carefully chosen. Believe it or not, even the swears are thought about.
I’ve gotten a lot of shit crap poop from some close to me about the words I use. They told me that if I have people who are not members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (LDS or Mormons) reading this blog, I’m going to turn them away from being interested in the Church. They told me that I’m not being a good example of my family or of my Church.
I hope they are wrong. I hope that if you are a member of the LDS Church that I have not offended you with what I have said. The language I have used. I did not make this blog out to offend ANYONE (until my next post). It’s my personal blog. It’s my personal writing. I write the way I talk in everyday life. I write about that everyday life. Some days it’s hectic and loud and sweary. Others are peaceful, pleasant and nice. And in both instances, I still feel the hand of God in my life. I hope if you are not a member of the church, my writing has shown you my relationship with God and my love for the LDS faith, and maybe it has made you want to learn more. Maybe not even about Mormonism per se- but about faith. About God. About good crap like that.
I did not set this out to be a “Mormon Mommy Blog” because, though I love the Mormon religion, that’s not what this blog is all about. I did not set it out to be an Autism blog, a Down syndrome blog, a craft blog or even an ranting mommy blog. I set it out to be ME. And for the last year, I think I’ve been {mostly} honest in the things I have said.
So I can’t say that it doesn’t hurt my insides a lot some can’t see past a “shit, hell, fart or damn” every once in a while to the true message of my blog. I feel it’s like someone who can’t see through the scar on my forehead or the extra weight around my waist to see me. They focus so much on the little things, that they are missing the big things. What I did set out this for this blog to be:
A blog about a semi-normal mom in an abnormal situation. A mom that wasn’t endowed on high by any special gifts in order to have her special kids. I want people to see that if a mother, one with ADHD and a small obsession with kittens (which she can never have, no less), can handle two special-needs kids and still laugh about life, they can, too. Maybe it will help someone to see the beauty in Down syndrome and choose to keep their baby who has just been diagnosed with it prenatally. Or maybe someone will see how great it is and it will inspire them to rescue a child with Down syndrome from a life in an adult mental institution somewhere on the other side of the world.
If nothing else, I hope I make you laugh. I hope that I make coming back worth it. And for those of you who have come back, time after time, month after month, I can’t tell you how much it means to me. You say such nice things. You make me feel like I’m doing something good. I appreciate it more than you will ever, ever know.
You make me want to continue to do something that is cathartic for me. That helps ME more than I’m sure it will ever help anyone else. Because I need to write. Some days, like today, I need to just GET IT OUT. Thank you for staying along for all of it. All of me. And for not judging me or making me feel like I’m less of a person because I don’t do or see things JUST the way you do. For seeing past my faults and my scars and my lack of personal hygiene to who I really am: Lexi Sweatpants.
With that being said, get ready for my next post. It’s going to be super hateful.