Maybe it’s an autism thing. Maybe he’s just super conscientious about fish. I don’t know. But whatever it is, Casey won’t freaking just pee in the ocean. Your pools are safe, too. In fact, he refuses to pee along side the road on roadtrips. Or in a bush while camping. Which is a TOTAL waste of equipment if you ask me.
If you follow me on Instagram, you know that I’m pretty obnoxious about the beach. We go there a lot. It’s the best place in the world. We go after the kids get home from school and stay until well after all of the facilities at the beach are closed. As we were getting ready to go Casey tells me he needs to pee. He HAS to pee. RIGHT NOW. Casey with a full bladder is not someone to mess with. Hoping there was still a port-a-potty open, Casey and I take off a half a mile down the beach. Nothing. No port-a-potties. That’s when the crappy tired mom in me kicks in.
I beg. I plead. I pull the UTI card. “Casey, dammit, it’s time to learn to pee in the ocean.”
He was offended at such a notion.
I dragged him out into the ocean. The freezing water had the affect that I wanted it to. He HAD to pee. I pushed him out further because I’m a complete wuss and didn’t want to get in past my knees- plus, I already had put my top on over my suit. I instructed him to get waist deep and to just let it go, man. “I can’t pee in my pants!” I explain using full motions that the ocean will wash it out. (Imagine it: me standing knee deep in the ocean yelling at my son and waving my arms in an effort to describe that the water will go IN HIS PANTS then OUT OF HIS PANTS and CLEEEEANNNN it out). “I will smell like urea!” he says and I repeat myself, motions included, as Casey grabs himself and cramps down in an effort to hold it in.
“Let it go, buddy. Just let it go.” I yell. After several minutes of him willing his body to keep it in, he relents. Instead of just peeing his pants like any classy beach goer does, he pulls his pants down. “You’re not waist deep yet! You’re not waist deep yet!” I yell at him as I crash through the waves to cover him up. Now, mind you, Casey is nine but is the height of a 12 year old. This isn’t a cute little toddler butt mooning the entire beach. He doesn’t care. In my effort to get to him, I tripped and soaked my only dry shirt. Freezing, wet and not close enough to him to do anything, I gave up. If having his pants down would help him get it done, I was gonna let it be… well… until a wave came. In an effort to brace himself against the crash of the wave, he turned around to have his back against it-
Flashed the entire beach.
It didn’t end there. At this point, he actually started to pee. And he was DELIGHTED. In one serene moment, Casey put both of his hands on his hips, closed his eyes and leeeeeeeaned back as he felt the relief of what looked like a full gallon of pee leaving his body. Just stood there. For all to see.
When he was done, he pulled his pants back up, washed his hands in the waves, and walked out like the complete badass he is.
I followed behind. Shocked, wet, freezing and elated that Casey had done something he had never done before. He peed in the ocean.
He actually has flashed an entire beach before.