How many times have you wanted to place blame on someone for something they actually had no control over? I have. I’ve wanted to set fires for that very reason. I’ve found a MUCH easier way to do it though that doesn’t result in a felony arson conviction: SCIENCE*!
That’s right kids, you can use SCIENCE to blame people for stuff. Like their kids’ autism. Up until now, people have only passively suggested that I caused my son’s autism by not breastfeeding or having my children too close together. Now, through the magic of correlation, you can blame people DIRECTLY. It is both easy and fun. All you have to do is find anything that there has been a sharp rise in over the last thirty years, and then make a graph to match the one above. Preferably use something that will be both insulting and insane.
If you’re too busy to make up your own, I’ve made a few for you.
Your grandmother is right. The gays are going to be the downfall of society. Their unions are not only tearing apart your marriage, but they’re also causing autism. I mean, LOOK AT THE LINES, man!
HOLD THE PHONE. Or, more appropriately. Don’t. Don’t hold your phone. Because it causes autism. The more cell phones out there the more autism. Your stupid cell phone causes autism. Throw it in a lake.
Sure, eating organic makes you feel morally superior to those that don’t, but did you know that your need for pesticide-free foods caused my son to get autism? How dare you? It’s the pesticides that have been keeping us neurotypical all this time!
(Graph used with permission by the generous Dr. Jeffry Ricker, who is by all accounts a badass psychology professor, link in image)
Hate Al Gore? Well, he invented the internet, and since the inception of the internet, cases of autism have risen in kind. Thus, the internet causes autism. Al Gore invented the internet. Al Gore causes autism.
And for those of you who did not know: Jenny McCarthy Causes Autism.
Now you try! It doesn’t even have to be autism related. Correlation is FUN!
*The author of this blog fully understands that correlation does not equal causation, but she is not sure that other people do. Consequently, her facebook page is RIPE with people who can’t wait to tell her the latest scientific proof that she caused her child’s autism. This blog post is dedicated to them.
Special thanks to Amanda from Confessions From Household Six for contributing her wit to this post.