I got an email from the public relations guy SnugVest, a company that makes “weighted” vests for kids with autism. He wanted me to advertise for him and in return, he’d give me a cool 10% off their vests! Which doesn’t seem like much, really, but when I realized that it would save me $40 because the vests are $400.
I could not NOT respond. I mean, that’s almost enough to cover the tax on the vest! I had a lot of questions about this amazing opportunity, so I wrote him back
I’m very interested in your weighted vests, and this amazing opportunity to work with you.I have a bunch of questions. I see from your site that they are $400. Is that an introductory price? Are timeshare fees separate? Is the 10% discount you’re offering me good for only one vest?
I have some other questions with the product itself that I could not find on your website:
Is it weighted with gold or other precious metals?
Is it machine washable?
Can I plug my Ipod into it?
Does it have enough pockets for the entire Thomas the Train collection?
Does it come with it’s own papers or do I have to register it myself?
Is it fully housebroken?
How many cup holders does it have?
Is it heavy enough to keep a 200 pound “object” at the bottom of the ocean?
Is it made in America? I actually prefer the skilled hands of children.
Will they match my autistic child’s Louis Vuittons?
Are they pesticide free?
Would you consider them free range vests?
Can it be equipped with a gun holster?
Do you make these for cats? My cats love deep pressure.
Can you make it special so it snaps in the crotch like a onsie? I really hate it when my weighted apparel comes untucked.
Are they flame “r-word”-ant?
Will it stop bullets and help me fight crime?
Is it lined with unobtanium? Were any Na’vi hurt in order to get the unobtanium?
Will it eventually cure autism?
Does it come with a reverse osmosis filter for my urine?
Are they certified kosher?
Have any rappers endorsed them? You should get a rapper to endorse them. I buy stuff that rappers buy.
Are you a Republican? What do you think of the Tea Party?
If I inflated it with helium, could it be used as transportation? If so, would I need to register it with the Department of Transportation? If so, would you be willing to go with me to the DMV? Last time I went, I may or may not have sat in the corner and sobbed quietly for a couple of hours.
Have you ever worried that Garrison Keillor was your father? Do you have any idea what that’s like for me?
The vests seem a lot like the Pump Up Reebok’s of my youth. Do you think if I were able to find a pair of those my feet would feel less autistic?
Are the vests waterproof? Could I substitute the vest (fully inflated of course) for a life jacket on my child the next time we’re cruising on our yacht in the Hamptons?
Are they diamond studded?
I’m very excited about this amazing opportunity to spend $360 (well, $400, when you add tax, and then more after shipping) to advertise for you. Seems like a great use of my time and limited talents.
PR Director and Executive Chef,