funny · Uncategorized

I want to pay to advertise for you!

I SnugVest PR responsegot an email from the public relations guy SnugVest, a company that makes “weighted” vests for kids with autism. He wanted me to advertise for him and in return, he’d give me a cool 10% off their vests! Which doesn’t seem like much, really, but when I realized that it would save me $40 because the vests are $400.

I could not NOT respond. I mean, that’s almost enough to cover the tax on the vest! I had a lot of questions about this amazing opportunity, so I wrote him back

 

Hi there!

I’m very interested in your weighted vests, and this amazing opportunity to work with you.I have a bunch of questions.  I see from your site that they are $400. Is that an introductory price? Are timeshare fees separate?  Is the 10% discount you’re offering me good for only one vest?

I have some other questions with the product itself that I could not find on your website:

Is it weighted with gold or other precious metals?

Is it machine washable?

Can I plug my Ipod into it?

Does it have enough pockets for the entire Thomas the Train collection?

Does it come with it’s own papers or do I have to register it myself?

Is it fully housebroken?

How many cup holders does it have?

Is it heavy enough to keep a 200 pound “object” at the bottom of the ocean?

Is it made in America? I actually prefer the skilled hands of children.

Will they match my autistic child’s Louis Vuittons?

Are they pesticide free?

Would you consider them free range vests?

Can it be equipped with a gun holster?

Do you make these for cats? My cats love deep pressure.

Can you make it special so it snaps in the crotch like a onsie? I really hate it when my weighted apparel comes untucked.

Are they flame “r-word”-ant?

Will it stop bullets and help me fight crime?

Is it lined with unobtanium? Were any Na’vi hurt in order to get the unobtanium?

Will it eventually cure autism?

Does it come with a reverse osmosis filter for my urine?

Are they certified kosher?

Have any rappers endorsed them? You should get a rapper to endorse them. I buy stuff that rappers buy.

Are you a Republican? What do you think of the Tea Party?

If I inflated it with helium, could it be used as transportation? If so, would I need to register it with the Department of Transportation? If so, would you be willing to go with me to the DMV? Last time I went, I may or may not have sat in the corner and sobbed quietly for a couple of hours.

Have you ever worried that Garrison Keillor was your father? Do you have any idea what that’s like for me?

The vests seem a lot like the Pump Up Reebok’s of my youth. Do you think if I were able to find a pair of those my feet would feel less autistic?

Are the vests waterproof? Could I substitute the vest (fully inflated of course) for a life jacket on my child the next time we’re cruising on our yacht in the Hamptons?

Are they diamond studded?

I’m very excited about this amazing opportunity to spend $360 (well, $400, when you add tax, and then more after shipping) to advertise for you. Seems like a great use of my time and limited talents.

Sincerely,

Broomhilda

PR Director and Executive Chef,

http://www.mostlytruestuff.com

72 thoughts on “I want to pay to advertise for you!

  1. This was a great letter. I think these thing all the time. I just had an IEP meeting for my daughter and now I am making a vest becouse of crazy things like this. $400 …really? Theese people are taking advatage of us.
    thanks for shareing. It made me smile.
    FE

  2. For $400 I’m going down to Sanibel. Screw that noise. I bet if I brought that thing along I’d have to pay for another ticket, you know, so it could have its own seat. Probably wouldn’t like coach though.

  3. oh! i am only reading your blog since recently.. – very glad the post turned out like this ( i was all: argh!..oooh hahaha)
    what rubbish. i am so sick about discovering all this rubbish.
    too many people have an agenda about autism or/and want the money of parents who are lost. great answer from you =)

  4. Does it have ENOUGH pockets not only for thomas tank BUT the entire Lego City range and the Ninjago Collection and the instruction manuals?… Does it come in Barbie Pink with a matching Dora The Explorer Backpack?… Is it edible???? Can it also recharge an Ipod, Ipad and 3ds? Does it have internet capabilities? Is it a dvd player or a tv screen to pick up netflix? Does it hav gps location devices sewn into the lining? Can her assistance dog have a matching one? oh and he mini ones to co-ordinate the bazzilion suffed toys on her bed? Does it expand into a tent and Weighted Blanket too???

  5. This is completely awesome. “Is it weighted with gold or other precious metals?” “Have any rappers endorsed them? You should get a rapper to endorse them. I buy stuff that rappers buy.” Hilarious.

    I got this pitch too and didn’t read far enough to find out how much money they cost. Air is expensive these days. Who knew?

  6. Every day I fall more in love with you Lexi. In a completely (sort of, but not at all) non-stalkery way. I might buy one. To make into a bouquet of pressure-vest flowers for you. But only if you can get me that sweet discount.

  7. Lexi, you are my favorite. Like my favorite person for the day. So funny. And seriously ridiculous that they expect you to pay to advertise for them.

  8. OMG I want to be as funny as you when I grow up!

    Seriously though, since the weighted blanket we’re borrowing from the OT right now seems like the only way to keep Angel triplet in her bed at night (apart from a bed tent), I’m looking at making my own version. $400 – imagine how much therapy I could get for that!

  9. Can it potty train? I would at least expect it to have a n attachable weight nappy…? Maybe self cleaning…yes, that’s it, it needs a dyson attachment too!

  10. Wait wait wait. I need to know if it can be transformed into a makeshift igloo, in the event of a freak snowstorm. Or in the event of proper imaginary play.

    Also, does it do windows?

    1. As a Canadian company, I cannot believe we didn’t think of this. 😉

      As for windows, i wasn’t sure if you meant the microsoft kind or the glass kind, so i tried both. The vest proved resistant to manual labour and it crashed when I installed windows…so no luck.

  11. wow! so many questions! Here goes:

    Is it weighted with gold or other precious metals? > It is not actually weighted at all, but I think you might be on to something for that rapper demographic that was mentioned.
    Is it machine washable? > Yes! ☺
    Can I plug my Ipod into it? > No, but awesome idea. Next model should definitely come with speakers 😉
    Does it have enough pockets for the entire Thomas the Train collection? > Are we talking the original or the new Hasbro set with the secondary characters? James was always my favorite.
    Does it come with it’s own papers or do I have to register it myself? > The vest comes fully pre-registered at all applicable vest registration offices in both the US and Canada.
    Is it fully housebroken? > 6 months since our last vest related “accident”. I think they are starting to get it!
    How many cup holders does it have? > Once worn, the vest comes fully equipped with two cup holders. We like to call them “hands”.
    Is it heavy enough to keep a 200 pound “object” at the bottom of the ocean? > No, which is probably a good thing since some people have asked us if the vest can double as a life jacket… it can’t by the way. Seriously. Please don’t try.
    Is it made in America? I actually prefer the skilled hands of children. > We manufacture in Canada (which is almost America). Mike from Canada is real nice and knows how to make awesome snow jackets and stuff like that.
    Will they match my autistic child’s Louis Vuittons? > I mean, they are pretty fly, and black goes with everything.
    Are they pesticide free? > We grow our vests organically, using all natural vest food.
    Would you consider them free range vests? > I would. The Vests are given plenty of room to roam about, but they are actually fairly lazy.
    Can it be equipped with a gun holster? > We actually have tried this for our water guns. It lets us attack the video game developers we share an office with. They didn’t like getting their computers wet and took our water guns away from us. ☹
    Do you make these for cats? My cats love deep pressure. > No, but we are hiring for product R&D and I think you’ve got the right stuff.
    Can you make it special so it snaps in the crotch like a onsie? I really hate it when my weighted apparel comes un-tucked. > Sorry, Steve our IT guy proved that this was far too dangerous a feature to have on offer.
    Will it stop bullets and help me fight crime? > No, but the hood attachment is great for connecting capes should one feel the desire to look like a superhero.

    Thanks for the blog post! 🙂 I hope you do decide to try the vest for yourself one day, because folks really seem to like it. Sorry if you feel the product is a bit pricey. We are a new startup and are working really hard to lower the cost to produce these vests. I should mention that it is possible to receive insurance coverage or government funding in some areas of the US and Canada, and we work closely with many charity organizations and therapy centers to get our products to people who would like to try them out. We also offer a 60-day money back guarantee in case customers are not satisfied with the product or if their kids just don’t like it. Thanks again for the feedback! We had a good laugh at your post!

    1. Though I stand by the fact that it is absolutely ridiculous to charge parents of special needs children $400 for a vest (we are usually end up in desperate financial situations due to the overwhelming costs of our children’s needs…), Phil did handle that with expert tact and humor. Way to go Phil! Hope we didn’t scare you away!

      1. Thanks! We totally understand where you are coming from, but unfortunately as a small company hand-making these vests, our production costs are through the roof. Also, you can’t scare me away that easily! 😉 We emailed a few bloggers to try and get the word out, and in hindsight offering a discount maybe wasn’t the best way to go, haha, but you guys are still the people we want to hear from. If we can get a few therapy centers and customer to try the product we can get off the ground and start to focus on reducing costs and make the vest more affordable. We believe in what we are doing and the feedback from our first customers has been amazing so far, so we will keep at it!

    2. Seriously…with snark like that, what’s he need bloggers for?? Maybe just prewrite the post and ask if you can share it.

  12. Oh the irony that I would have totally paid $400 to have the vest instantly transported to me last Sat at 3 am as my son tried to crawl out of his own skin. But I laughed my ass off at the post and at Phil’s response! I think I love this company. Great post Lexi!!

  13. Phil- you may not have sold any of us a vest (yet…), but your disarming sense of humor earned the respect of a buttload of special needs moms, which ain’t easy.

    We’ll keep you.

  14. Phil – I am a major fan. Anyone who can take this ribbing and give as good as he gets? Well, I tell you, if I had the cash I would buy one. I have to say, they are amazing looking vests. Very cool, actually. Much better than what our kids typically have available. What other products do you have?

    – Signed your first fan girl

    1. Thanks Kelly! Your signed glamour shot will be along shortly 😉

      I wish we had other products to tell you about, but the company is brand new and we are still struggling to get off the ground. If you guys have any suggestions about other autism products you think could be improved we’d be more than happy to hear about them though!

  15. (Insert 80’s movie finale clap here)
    Phil, you are awesome. I enjoyed your sense of humor…thank you. Like a few others said, you did a great job here. Best PR ever!

  16. I have to say I expected Phil to get upset. This was well worth the re-read. I loved his reply. Now while it maybe a bit pricy, I wouldn’t mind seeing what other products the company sells. After all they hired this man.

  17. Lexi, this was fantastic, and Phil’s response made it even better. But, yeah, for $400, that thing better come with a personal chef! Also, I totally think you should take Phil up on his job offer. Really.

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