Dyson’s suck…until they don’t…then they REALLY SUCK

I have four disgusting children. They make quick work of destroying my house. Their favorite? Popcorn and goldfish crackers crushed into every surface.

I spend more time using my vacuum a week than I do my hairdryer.  If you follow me on Instagram, you can see that the chord or the vacuum is in almost every damn shot because I never unplug the thing. There’s no point. I use it several times a day- every single day.

Given the time we spend with our vacuum, we decided that your basic run of the mill Hoover no longer cut it. We needed capacity. We needed it to SUCK HARD. I needed an ally in my war against  Filth. And not just any ally- the best money could buy.

Okay, second best. Because I didn’t want to risk an assault charge on a Kirby Salesman who refused to leave my house, we went with the Dyson.

Lance brought it home, unwrapped it and we all stood around  and marveled at its beauty, much like the family on A Christmas Story did with the fragile leg lamp. I wanted to put it up in the window so that the neighbors could admire it from the street, but Lance refuses to let me have joy, so we set out to simply vacuum our carpet. c23531d6115111e2ba8122000a1d0365_7

Fifteen seconds in, it clogged up. ANOMALY! This can’t be right. It was only goldfish crackers, most had already been crushed into the carpet.  Again, we get going, and swthoop. Clogged again. Must be user error.  I read the entire manual. Called for support.

And yet it went on like this. We have a 15×15 square of carpet that I can’t vacuum the entire thing without it getting clogged. The hose attachment is only a little bit wider than my airway, and I have no problem sucking down unchewed  goldfish crackers. And yet, it clogs up EVERY TIME.

I just spent thirty minutes trying to vacuum my car. The sucker wouldn’t last fifteen seconds before it would shut the sucking mechanism off. I laughed, I cried, I swore so loudly that the birds sitting out in the tree flew off for a more wholesome area to perch.

I called support again about ten minutes before I started writing this. I’m still on hold.

If you want the experience of owning a Dyson, do this: buy a regular vacuum and suck a sock up in it so that even though it still sucks, only the tiniest of dirt particles make it through. Buy stop watch, every fifteen seconds, stop the vacuum, turn it over, empty it’s contents, cry, then repeat until your carpet is clean.

Continue to do this for MONTHS because you want to believe that you didn’t waste $400 on an expert designed piece of crap Dyson that wasn’t built for people who have to vacuum such things as crackers.  Then, make a new year’s resolution to not have abusive relationships with people or things, and take that sucker back.



29 thoughts on “Dyson’s suck…until they don’t…then they REALLY SUCK

  1. Ok this is making me glad that we did not get one and instead went for a cheap one. Yeah mine looses suction when the filter clogs but you can wash it off and get all that nice suction back. I only get clogging issues with things that would clog any other type of vacuum.

  2. My $40 vaccuum could suck up pistachio shells and army men no problem. This one has trouble with tiny pieces of lint.

  3. I’m sad. I’ve had my dyson for 4 years. It’s fantastic for me. I’ve even sucked up trash after all our kids have had their way with my carpet. You got a lemon. Don’t give up.

      1. The Honda Odyssey is generally a great mini van, but their automatic transmissions are a known to be failure prone. It’s weird, the V-6 powered Accords and Odysseys with automatic transmissions have both had problems. What happened to yours?

  4. That’s a funky looking Dyson. I have the bigger purple one and I LOVE IT. I’ve never had it clog ever and we’ve had it for probably 5 years. It’s the only vacuum that gets the dog hair off of our dining room rug. And I suck up all kinds of stuff. Maybe that model is crummy.

  5. For reals? I am pretty sure my Dyson is indistructible. The only time it plugs is if dh sweeps up a sock followed by 10 tissues. But maybe it is blessed to be 6 years old and not as fine and beautiful.

  6. Get a Shark sweeper to supplement the Dyson. I was first introduced at a play group with a friend who served mini muffins and goldfish to a bunch of 3 year olds in a carpeted area. As we picked up toys I almost felt faint at the sight of the smooshed up mess. I started to say how sorry I was, but actually I was wondering how much I actually had to help before I could get out of there. She whipped out the Shark and it was all gone in 10 seconds. They’re great for daily chunky messes, and cost around $40.

  7. I’m with you. My Dyson SUCKS…well actually it doesn’t suck, which as you pointed out, is the problem. I have the purple one and it doesn’t clog, it just doesn’t pick up anything. Except maybe dust. I think it picks up the dust. Which is fairly annoying when you are trying to pick up Cheerios. So, I bought a DustBuster, which I use for anything bigger than dust and the Dyson for the dust. It’s awesome.

  8. I love my Dyson, and have had it for over 6 years, never had a problems with it not sucking. Best vacuum ever! I agree I think you might have gotten a lemon.

  9. Sorry your Dyson isn’t working for you! We had new carpet put in our entire home May 2012. We decided then that if we were going to drop tons of money on nice carpet, we needed a nice vacuum that would actually clean the carpet. We chose a Dyson. We DC33 and haven’t had a single problem with it. We do clean out the canister frequently and just recently washed the filter. We absolutely love ours and it was worth every penny we paid for it. Maybe yours was a lemon? It is frustrating when you spend lots of cash on something that is suppose to be the best and it doesn’t live up to it. Hope you’ve found a good replacement. 🙂

  10. I hate to tell you but Dyson’s suck & not in the good way. But I think you already know that. I had to replace my Dyson every 4 years, until last year when I wised up and did a ton of research … Miele. That’s the way to go. We have 3 cats, a Boy & a Husband and this Miele gets the job done. Just a bit more $$ but sooo worth it!

  11. My Dyson is intermittant every time we use it. Works for awhile then stops. Been calling support every week. I finally figured i just lost 400 bucks. Back to Hoover.

  12. I have been a happy um housewife now for three years now and pretty happy with my 40 year old canister vac, but then I ran out of bags and we decided to go witha dyson.
    I HATE to vacume now. If there is one thing this machine does its SUCK!
    I don’t have the heart to tell my wife I hate it.

    Glad I kept my old one, she’ll never know.

  13. The Honda Odyssey is generally a great mini van, but their automatic transmissions are a known to be failure prone. It’s weird, the V-6 powered Accords and Odysseys with automatic transmissions have both had problems.

  14. I have no word to say about you !!! you are too much care about your child !! do you I have also child who is always disturbing me through make dirty carpet in week one time I will have to clean it so have you solution about it..Thanks

  15. expensive garbage. breaks easy. need to clean everytime. takes forever to dry out. lose suction fast. vacuum smells as it has poor filter. do not buy

  16. Our dyson is great, when it works (which is a 50-50 crapshoot). But anytime you have to vacuum shredded paper, the son-of-a-bitch clogs and refuses to suck!

    I’m about to pitch the worthless piece of crap off the balcony.

  17. My dyson is the same, it works great for super small pieces, but with hair and animal debris, watch out! It clogs every time! It is also the Animal DC41

  18. Dear god! I laughed and cryed! My ex_dyson…the “pet” picker upper was the worst sucker i have ever owned. Spent more time taking it apart and cleaning it than it spent cleani.g my floors. I cant believe this company has the nerve to charge $500 for a machine that requires more work than the floors needed!! Suck you dyson…you rip off artists!

  19. Carpets will help us to maintain our house clean. We have to clean them regularly. If not we may face health problems. Carpets will change the appearance of our rooms. So we have to clean them regularly by using vacuum cleaners. It will vacuum our carpet simply. This article is really useful to everyone.

  20. I spent $500 on a dyson and had the same problem. Always getting clogged. Looked at consumer reports and found a Hoover, a fraction of the outrageous cost of a dyson, had a better rating. So, I purchased it. It is several years old now and still works better than my new dyson. Needless to say, I’ve not nor will I purchase another dyson. Maybe if they charged what their products are worth.

  21. I just quit working for Kirby and those really are the best vacuum money can buy. I’ve sold them to so many people with dysons. My mom has a dyson and I can see the lie in her eye when she says she likes it. Just because she saw the Kirby demo I did and made the dyson look like a $20 dollar vacuum

  22. Dyson are not so good, I agree 100%, Went with Miele and am very very happy with it. Sealed system, bags, no cleaning filters ect, no smell. great suction, and very quiet. (Can listen to Music while vacuuming!!

  23. My dyson is a peice of junk also. Its also very user unfriendly aswell as do not suck….wont even pick up lint out of the carpet and there are no blockages!!! Guess there is a sucker born every day (me). That guy in the commercial is just a paid actor!!

  24. Hey! I know this was posted a long time ago, but i must say that is NOT normal. You should totally contact Dyson customer service. We recently bought the D65 Animal and its the best vacuum we have ever owned. We also got the d44 animal which is meant for hardwood, (Because we have a black lab that sheds bad), and we spilled baby powder on accident and it sucked every bit of it up with no problem. Maybe you got a defective one or the new models are just improved, but I can assure you, thats not normal. Hope this helped! If you want to know more id be happy to answer questions Via email. 🙂

  25. Maybe you didn’t get the higher end one? But the DC 65 is the best on all websites I’ve been to. It is very powerful!

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