autism · confessions · Down syndrome

She Is My Heart

I pulled Abby out of the bathtub and dressed her on my bed. I knelt while she sat on the bed, so we were at eye level. She signed “More…more… more…. more MORE MORE MORE!” I went through our list of signs. “More..water? More bath? More…Music?” She smiled and giggled and repeated the sign “music.”

I watched as her tiny fingers awkwardly made the motions of a teeny weeny arachnid and she giggled as we washed the spider out.  We choose not to finish that song because I like it when the spider dies.

“The mommy on the bus says ‘shhh shhh shhh’…” Abby takes her “shh” finger and puts in front of my mouth and smiles as I blow on her finger.  After she gets bored of singing, she does the sign for “show.” “You want to watch a show?” I say. Abby smiles HUGE, throws both of her arms above her head and giggles as they land around my neck. She squeezes me tight as I stand to take her downstairs.  The picture of her smiling, arms above her head is one that I will not soon forget.

Emotions are hard to explain. What we feel is hard, if not impossible, to put into words. I will never in a million years be writer enough to adequately explain the way I feel about the little girl who has changed my entire world.  But when Abby smiled and raised both of her arms above her head I thought, “THAT! That is what my heart does!”

She is my heart.

15 thoughts on “She Is My Heart

  1. I am in love with this post. I have tears streaming from my eye as I try to type. It is simply beautiful. I have tried many times to decribe even to myself how Tily makes me feel and the only words I can think of is pure love. How do you begin to decribe something like that?

  2. You know what moves me most about this? That you express this incredible bond between the two of you through EVERYTHING you share. Maybe you don't think it shows, but…it does. Would that all parents could express their boundless love for their children with such unreservedness. xo

  3. I just discovered your blog and I had to comment on this post. I am not the parent of a Downs Syndrome child, but I am the sibling of one. My sister and I have always shared a special bond. (I am #4 of six kids, she is #5). I remember getting so angry (especially as a teen) when people would find out I have a DS sister and say, "I'm so sorry." They would usually get an earful about how amazing, incredible, and loving she is. About how her sense of humor is sharp as a whip and how I can't imagine life without her just the way she is. That my heart is bursting with love for her and I'm so very sorry for them that they are not able to experience a love as pure as this. Then I would stalk off in a teenage huff. So yeah, I'm with ya.

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