I’ve missed you. I know you’ve missed me, too. I can tell by my dwindling stat numbers that you are lonely. I’ve wanted to post, really, but I’ve been in such a hateful mood lately that all that would come out is my complete disdain for most people.
Which reminds me of a story. I came out and told my husband that I think I have, among all of the other crap, Social Anxiety Disorder (want to hear fun psychology jokes? Me neither. But isn’t it interesting that Social Anxiety Disorder and Seasonal Affective Disorder and Sexual Arousal Dysfunction (I made that one up) all are SAD? I don’t). I told him why and we went on to talk about the differences between that and autism and the rest. Then Lance, speaking about himself said, “I don’t think I have any social issue, I just really hate people.”
And then we were in love because we both hate people.
Did I tell you, Blog, that I’m moving again? This time to Rhode Island. A place so sweet I wanted to lick people. Turns out, that’s a felony in Rhode Island. We went there last week to find a place to live. It was awesome. Lance had to go to work, so I had to spend three days driving around the prettiest place in the country trying to find a place to live. I saw many houses. All by myself! Take that, SAD. I didn’t get murdered once, either. This is Newport:
Yeah, a lot of rich people summer there. I will find a way to use that to my advantage. The locals are fantastic. They were warm, friendly, talkative and smelled of the sea and joy. I felt peace and tranquility there.
Then I realized that was probably more a product of having left the kids at home with Heidi.
I found a house that would work and had several hours to kill before Lance was able to break free from his meeting in Massachuesettesesss. I hope by the time we’re done there, I will be able to spell the name of that state. It’s good to have goals. Anyways, as his meeting dragged on, I had to find things to occupy my time. It was ROUGH. I had to walk through all the little stores on the boardwalk and laugh at funny cards and funny people. I ended up in the Gap where I found myself with two gigantic armloads of clothes for the kids back to school. It was 30% off clearance prices PLUS I got an additional 30% off for opening a Gap card. I took pictures of what I was buying and sent them to Lance to see if I could cause him to panic enough to get him out of the meeting. I saved over $600. That makes any amount I spent okay, right? Nothing makes my husband panic. Nothing. It’s another goal of mind to find something that makes him freak the hell out though. Bucket list.
Oooh, speaking of bucket list, I crossed a couple off last week! One was getting a TSA agent at the airport to laugh. They’re America’s version of the Queen’s Guard. And. I. Did. It. We were standing in line and I was “randomly selected” (I’m ALWAYS randomly selected, I had to go to get Carter from the airplane last week, not even getting on a flight, and they did the naked machine and then a full pat down of my breasts. It was weird. The chick wasn’t even wearing a uniform and it happened in the bathroom twenty minutes after I went through the gates) to get that machine thing waved over my hands to see if any hazardous substances were on them. I said, “they’re going to find the nastiest crap on them…and then they’ll realize that ‘oh, she’s a mom.” That’s all it took. That guy needed better training. But it counts, dammit.
Um, so there you go, Blog. Now stop being such a wench.