Please Call Ahead.

We got caught. By the missionaries.


Yeah, I’m sure they didn’t think twice coming over at 7 in the evening. We have kids and whatnot. Welp, not this time folks. The kids were otherwise occupied and we stole away to do the things that married adults who are attractive (I only picture attractive people having sex. That’s a lie. I don’t picture anyone having sex. Not even myself. Ick!) do. The sex.

Yeah, I know where I got this.

Knock knock knock. Casey runs up the stairs with a very loud THUNK THUNK THUNK. No way to tell him to not answer the door now.  It’s too late. They’re inside and Casey’s taking them upstairs. Too late for us to make like we were showering or ANYTHING other than what was going on.   We throw on clothes without underwear and stumble in the hall to see two bright eyed 19 year-olds waiting for us. Both went pink in the face when they realized what they had done. 

Ugh. On top of all of that, my house was a WRECK. I was more embarrassed about that than getting caught. It’s been too damn hot upstairs to clean anything, and beyond that, I’ve sort of given up on cleaning up Abby’s toys.  Or dishes. Or bathrooms. Or anything at all. 

So there we were. Sitting in my filth pit of a house, underwearless, my shirt on backwards with sex hair and mascara under my eyes. They stayed and made uncomfortable small talk for thirty minutes, bless their hearts.  I LOVE the missionaries. I can’t think of anything harder than to go from door to door trying to tell people about the gospel you love only to get rejected far more often than not (I get pissy for DAYS after someone say something terrible about me or my blog. I have no spine. I also have no right ovary, but that’s none of your damn business) And these kids do it with a big, bright smile on their face. I LOVE them!

I just wish they’d call ahead.

14 thoughts on “Please Call Ahead.

  1. I don't completely understand this. Aren't you all religioned up? Why are the missionaries visiting you guys? I'd think they'd be barking up more godless trees. Help me understand this.

  2. Haha! Yeah, my kids are NOT allowed to answer the door EVER! It's never the missionaries, though. Always some solicitor or another.But here's the real kicker: were you doin' it MISSIONARY style? BAHAHAHAHAHA I'm so funny.

  3. Too hot for missionary style. I wish I was rich. I thought about giving a prize to the person who brought up "missionary style" first. WINNA wINNA

  4. We do have religion. The Missionaries like hanging out with the members. They use us to get to our non-member friends (and in our case, for a laugh, some left over steak and a caffeinated soda). It's the best way to bring people into the church. Those who already have heard about it from their friends. Want to hear more? I have some friends that are looking for people to teach…

  5. you guys answer the door? My kids would never think to answer because whenever I do hear a knock I tell them all to shush up while I assess the situation…unless it's a pretty package for me no one gets in…ever

  6. Times lie these I wish your blog really was made up of * mostly* true stuff…for your and Lance's sake, and for those missionaries. Oy. I'd have to change churches.

  7. Oh my gosh, that is hilarious. You are one of my very favorite people. :)I remember one time getting caught by my mother-in-law, and it was so humiliating. We were living in my husband's grandma's basement apartment for a little while. One night early in our marriage we were getting busy in our bedroom with the door to the basement closed. I suddenly hear "When you're done in there, can you come upstairs?" I ripped the sheet off the bed and wrapped up in it right away. She went back upstairs and I immediately went out to our living room to see where she would have had to be standing to get a view of anything going on. I never saw her, and I will never know if she saw anything. It was never spoken of again. Most of our adult recreational activity time is during the day with kids running amok because we work alternating nights. Talk about taking the romance out of things. KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK! "Mom!" "Dad!" doesn't do much for the mood. Sigh. Some day they will put two and two together and realize what we were doing every time they found our bedroom door closed and locked in the middle of the day. I should start saving for therapy.

  8. Also, having served a mission myself in Hong Kong sometimes missionaries pop by because they cannot stand the heat/cold/rain whatever anymore and they need a break. Or they feel like they will likely kill their companion (because they are so sick of being with that person 24 hours a day) if there aren't people around as witnesses. Or the thought of going door to door for one more minute makes their eyes twitch so bad they can hardly handle it.Oh, did I say all that out loud? Oops.Lexi, this was the funniest story I've hear all week. I love it and can totally imagine those bright-eyed, blushing young missionaries. So, so funny. I bet they'll call ahead next time. I mean, after all, they DO have cell phones…

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