“Lexi, why are there three almost-empty bottles of Diet Sprite in the refrigerator?”
Because I have issues! (said in my Southern Bell voice)
“Lexi, why are you on the roof?”
Because I have ISSUES! (while I hold up a javelin)
“How come you haven’t left the bathroom in 2 hours?”
Because I have issues! (I growl as I slide four used issues of People under the door at him. I actually waited forty minutes to use that pun.)
“Why did you force the Chick Fil A lady to hug and jump with you?”
Because I have issues! I also made her embrace me! We EMBRACED.
“Why is Heidi on the roof?”
….you get it the idea.
You would think that my saying this over and over and over again would mess with my already fragile self-esteem (that’s a lie. It’s not fragile at all. It’s grossly over-exaggerated given the amount of time I spend on how I look, eat, and smell). But it’s done quite the opposite. It’s EMPOWERED me. Try it out next time your husband asks why you put your cat army in the freezer or only speak in Spongebob quotes.
You’ll also win every fight. And that’s awesome all on it’s own.
Now you try. Tell me how it goes.