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Pathetic Pre-Birthday Post.

I’m turning 30 next Friday. This makes me sad for several reasons. I’m sad I’m not going to be with my Washington friends for the big day. I would have totally scared them into throwing me a supreme bash. Plus, 30 means I’m old. Not Jim W. old, mind you, but OLD.

This is me being sad:

Some of you have pretended that you want to send me presents. That’s awesome. But it’s not the thought that will get me out of my non-carb bed. It’s the stuff.  Plus, I think there are a few of you who really want to send me “Cease and Desist” letters or serve me with some sort of lawsuit. So for all of you, send that crap to my old address, where we don’t live, and it will be forwarded it where we DO.  HA! Now you can’t find me. We don’t live in Washington, so don’t just drop by. The renters are cool, but would probably be pretty pissed off if you showed up with a chainsaw, no matter how pretty said chainsaw is.

365 Wales Court
Port Orchard, Wa 98366

It’s pretty much too late for you to send me anything and have it get here on time. You suck. To make it up to me, I have one really REALLY pathetic birthday request. What I want for my big fat 30th birthday is for you to LOVE ME. And if you do, will you please “like” my Facebook page and add me to your blog rolls? That’s what I want. LOVE. In the form of spreading the word of my blog so that one day I can get a book contract, make a shitload of money, and then make fun of you all from my ivory tower.

I think I took that too far.

My birthday is next Friday, but don’t hesitate to spread some love right now. Things suck and I could use a pick me up. I could also use some vicodin. Thanks.

12 thoughts on “Pathetic Pre-Birthday Post.

  1. See, this post needed to be last Friday so I could send you something. I'm trying to find a home for my crabs…can you send me your address so I can have them shipped? Nothing says love like live crabs. And it never gets old saying you have crabs…see???Anyway, I will love you and spread you around my blog and FB like VD but I want some love back…I'm not cheap. Or easy. Wait. I just posted today that I am cheap and easy so, whatever. I will add you to my sidebar too. Seriously though? I hope you all get better and you find 30 less anxiety producing than you thought. When I hit 40 I thought I about died and then I realized it wasn't so bad. Well most of the time, except when my back gives our or I have to bend over. I digress. Love and Hugs and Happy Early Birthday!!!

  2. Well, since you went on and on about how old 30 is and I'm, let's say on the downhill side of 30, not sure you should get a birthday present. Except, I've already added you to my blogroll, cause I think this is one of the best, funniest, honest blogs out there. I guess, I'll forgive you calling me older than old. Enjoy 30. Happy birthday!

  3. first of all, you ain't old. You need to hang out with old people like me and then you'll feel young. and when youre old like me you'll be looking back on turning 30 as your youthful glory days and wish you could turn back the hands of time!! 🙂 But, i know how you feel bc i felt that way when i turned 30 too… i get it. trust me, its worse when you turn 40. you hide under the sandwich couch, not lay on it. you hide under it and then you're so decrepit that you can't get back up again so you hang out there all day. or you just say "screw it" and get really drunk. anyway, happy bday!! 🙂

  4. I have to agree. 30 SUCKS!!!!! I cried. BUT, it gets better 🙂 40 ROCKS. Trust me. (It would probably rock even more if I wasn't chasing a 3 yr old tornado…)

  5. Um, I already do love you. I "liked" you page, and you've been on my blogroll for, like, ever. So, you'll will accept as a gift that fact that I am a full TEN years older than you are, yet I still adore you all that and a Snapple.

  6. I give you LOVE! I love you long time. I loved your page from the beginning. Oooh, that reminds me. If you don't get a text or a FB message from me today, remind me. I have some stuff to discuss…I'm really not all that sad about 30. I've been 30 in my head for like seven years.

  7. ahahahaha, hide under the sandwich. I love you.All of my friends are older than me. In fact, the two people I'm closest two are both "of advanced maternal age". I really don't feel old. I feel normal now. I've felt like I'm thirty for a long time. I should write a post about that. Maybe I will. But I'll forget. So there you go.

  8. Alicia, where is your blog, too? I can't get to it through your profile. I know it's in my reading list somewhere, I'm trying to link all of them up now.

  9. You are such a baby. Thirty is the new 24.It's also the last two numbers of my goal weight.If you were here I would take you for nachos, then fro yo, then pedi/mani, then shopping, then for a nap. Then for an iced beverage. Then I would make you talk to me while I surfed the internet at your house. Instead all you get is a box of cats.

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