This is me being sad:
Some of you have pretended that you want to send me presents. That’s awesome. But it’s not the thought that will get me out of my non-carb bed. It’s the stuff. Plus, I think there are a few of you who really want to send me “Cease and Desist” letters or serve me with some sort of lawsuit. So for all of you, send that crap to my old address, where we don’t live, and it will be forwarded it where we DO. HA! Now you can’t find me. We don’t live in Washington, so don’t just drop by. The renters are cool, but would probably be pretty pissed off if you showed up with a chainsaw, no matter how pretty said chainsaw is.
365 Wales Court
Port Orchard, Wa 98366
It’s pretty much too late for you to send me anything and have it get here on time. You suck. To make it up to me, I have one really REALLY pathetic birthday request. What I want for my big fat 30th birthday is for you to LOVE ME. And if you do, will you please “like” my Facebook page and add me to your blog rolls? That’s what I want. LOVE. In the form of spreading the word of my blog so that one day I can get a book contract, make a
shitload of money, and then make fun of you all from my ivory tower.
I think I took that too far.
My birthday is next Friday, but don’t hesitate to spread some love right now. Things suck and I could use a pick me up. I could also use some vicodin. Thanks.