|right before they put her on the helicopter|
A year ago in June Abby gave us one of the biggest scares of her life. The entire story is here. Long story short, the common cold could have cost Abby her life. Her hands and feet turned dark blue. She was sent by ambulance to the local hospital, then sent to the children’s hospital by helicopter. Watching a helicopter fly away with her on it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I remember holding with one hand onto a tree, and with the other onto my sister, Melanie. I remember looking at the sky and screaming at God in my head to not take her.
I’m not usually so fragile. If you read that entire post, you’ll see in the moments before I learned that Abby wasn’t doing so well, I had a very sweet, oddly peaceful feeling that I was being prepared. But what I didn’t say is that I felt like I was being prepared to lose my daughter.
I’ve never really shared that last part publicly. Because even in saying it, I want to say so badly, “It’s not going to happen! She’s fine! Everything is fine and always will be!”
But I’m not strong enough.
I made Abby’s follow-up appointment this week and then cried for a half-hour before I reached out to Melissa to pull me out of the mess I was in. It’s just a stupid appointment! Why am I such a wimp?!
Because I’m not strong enough.
And then today I was dinking around on facebook and saw that several of my friends had “liked” a post. This post: http://www.cincinnatibirthphotography.com/2012/04/a-beautiful-beginning-nora-roses-birthstory/ Some said to not watch it unless you have a box of tissues handy. That usually is the cue for me to move on. And I usually do. But something compelled me to watch.
You should watch, too. I was a mess at the end. I’m still a mess. It was a beautiful, sweet reminder that God works miracles. So I went to her blog to read more about Nora, this sweet baby born with Trisomy 18, (a third chromosome on the 18th pair, Abby has Trisomy 21) which is usually not compatible with life. Her blog is called, “I’ll Carry You“. I read and cried and read and cried. Then I clicked on the song that she posted the night before Nora was born. A song that I’ve posted here before, too.
And there it was. I am not strong enough. But I don’t need to be. Because my Savior, Jesus Christ, will help me to bear the burdens I am faced with. Matthew 11 says, “Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
I’m so grateful for this family that I don’t know. A family so willing to share their trials and their faith with the world. A family who showed me that I can handle this thing, something that seems so small in comparison, because they are handling that. I can’t imagine what they are going through right now. Please keep them and sweet baby Nora in your prayers.
Abby’s appointment is next Tuesday. I’ll let you know what we find out. We are hoping that the hole will have shrunk to the point where she won’t need surgery at all, though the doctors were very clear that at this point, that was very unlikely. We are praying for peace with whatever needs to be. We are praying that her little body can handle all that life will throw at her. And we are grateful to know that through this all, we are not alone.