confessions · fluffy posts · Rants

So blubbery right now.

I’m not going to lie. I want my blog to be read. I want readERS. I think anyone who blogs regularly in an open format like this wants that. I get all excited every single time I see that I have a new “follower” or find out someone else is reading here. Because it means that what I am saying has SOME effect. Maybe it makes you laugh. Maybe it makes you angry. Maybe it just gives you something to do while you sit on the toilet.  With every new reader, I feel renewed commitment to having this blog be as authentic and true to the life I’m living as it can be. Good and bad.

Ever since I decided to stop caring how people “see” me and just be myself, I’ve found this blog to be hugely liberating. And, at the same time, I’ve found how much I truly LOVE to write. How the words come to me when I sit at my computer. I really do work hard on each post. Each word is carefully chosen. Believe it or not, even the swears are thought about.

I’ve gotten a lot of shit crap poop from some close to me about the words I use. They told me that if I have people who are not members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (LDS or Mormons) reading this blog, I’m going to turn them away from being interested in the Church. They told me that I’m not being a good example of my family or of my Church.

I hope they are wrong. I hope that if you are a member of the LDS Church that I have not offended you with what I have said. The language I have used. I did not make this blog out to offend ANYONE (until my next post). It’s my personal blog. It’s my personal writing. I write the way I talk in everyday life. I write about that everyday life. Some days it’s hectic and loud and sweary. Others are peaceful, pleasant and nice. And in both instances, I still feel the hand of God in my life. I hope if you are not a member of the church, my writing has shown you my relationship with God and my love for the LDS faith, and maybe it has made you want to learn more.  Maybe not even about Mormonism per se- but about faith. About God. About good crap like that.

I did not set this out to be a “Mormon Mommy Blog” because, though I love the Mormon religion, that’s not what this blog is all about. I did not set it out to be an Autism blog, a Down syndrome blog, a craft blog or even an ranting mommy blog. I set it out to be ME. And for the last year, I think I’ve been {mostly} honest in the things I have said.

So I can’t say that it doesn’t hurt my insides a lot some can’t see past a “shit, hell, fart or damn” every once in a while to the true message of my blog. I feel it’s like someone who can’t see through the scar on my forehead or the extra weight around my waist to see me. They focus so much on the little things, that they are missing the big things. What I did set out this for this blog to be:

A blog about a semi-normal mom in an abnormal situation. A mom that wasn’t endowed on high by any special gifts in order to have her special kids. I want people to see that if a mother, one with ADHD and a small obsession with kittens (which she can never have, no less), can handle two special-needs kids and still laugh about life, they can, too. Maybe it will help someone to see the beauty in Down syndrome and choose to keep their baby who has just been diagnosed with it prenatally. Or maybe someone will see how great it is and it will inspire them to rescue a child with Down syndrome from a life in an adult mental institution somewhere on the other side of the world.  

If nothing else, I hope I make you laugh. I hope that I make coming back worth it. And for those of you who have come back, time after time, month after month, I can’t tell you how much it means to me. You say such nice things. You make me feel like I’m doing something good. I appreciate it more than you will ever, ever know.

You make me want to continue to do something that is cathartic for me. That helps ME more than I’m sure it will ever help anyone else. Because I need to write. Some days, like today, I need to just GET IT OUT. Thank you for staying along for all of it. All of me. And for not judging me or making me feel like I’m less of a person because I don’t do or see things JUST the way you do.  For seeing past my faults and my scars and my lack of personal hygiene to who I really am:  Lexi Sweatpants.

With that being said, get ready for my next post. It’s going to be super hateful.

34 thoughts on “So blubbery right now.

  1. When I have a long day, my kids are finally in bed, husband is conked out, sometimes it feels good just to let it all out there in written form. I like to call that word vomit. You just have to let it flow, and if it offends people, well, that's life. So, in my most humble opinion keep up the good work. I like seeing that there is someone out there like me, who their everyday life isn't perfection at all times. Who's dealing with life the best way they can. That's inspiration. That's comforting. That i'm not the only one, who is half crazy, but still happy.

  2. I think that sometimes it is good for people to see that Mormon's are real people, too. πŸ™‚ Thanks for keeping it real. I love your writing, your humor, your swears. The good, the bad and the ugly. Really. P.S. No pressure, but I wouldn't be surprised to see you go places you can't imagine right now because of what you are doing. (And some day I'll tell you I told you so.)

  3. You should never have to apologize for who you are to anyone. There is no reason on earth you can't profess your love of swear words and the strength of your faith in the same sentence. Those things are not mutually exclusive. I love your blog because there's so much of your life to which I can relate AND because there are other things I don't relate to but make me laugh anyway. (Or cry — it kind of depends on your mood and my meds. LOL.) Don't change a thing. Write what you want and write it in YOUR voice. That's why we come back.And fuck 'em if they can't handle it. πŸ™‚

  4. Oooh, I can't wait for your next post now. Morbid curiosity. Pretty sure it wont offend me, though. I only get offended by people getting offended by me.PS, you should know that when I try to tell people about something great I read on your blog I find it difficult to explain who you are, so I call you my friend. So if you ever run into someone from Idaho, and the tell you they know your friend Maren…Yikes, that's me. They think we're friends…Just thought I'd give you a heads up.

  5. Can't wait to see your next post! I love reading your posts!MistyP.s. I was too lazy to log into my google account from my phone so I selected "anonymous"But now I've done enough additional key strokes I could've just signed in. Oh well!!!

  6. You make me want to be a better, funnier person, and I also tend to talk about your blog a lot. Just yesterday, in fact! And yay for hateful mommy posts! Those are usually the funniest. πŸ˜€

  7. I think the best writing is done in your natural voice. I've never understood why some people can tell a story verbally and have you hanging on every word, but are unable to commit the story to paper with the same effect. If they wrote the story the way they TOLD the story, it would be awesome.I'm not particularly religious, so the focus of this post is sort of lost on me. I've never understood why being religious or spiritual is in any way impacted by the word "shit". I can TOTALLY see why sacrilegious swearing is offensive to people of Faith, but shit/fuck/damn/etc. . . I just don't see how those words have any bearing whatsoever on my immortal soul.My mother has become really religious in the past ten years or so, participating in, then hosting, and finally teaching bible study. My father, who is probably the best man I know, occasionally swears. My mother has started taking him to task for it. The same mother who used to flip me off when I'd play devil's advocate with her in arguments is now chastising my father for saying "shit" or "son of a bitch". I think it really pisses him off. At the end of the day, he's still a really good man, who occasionally swears.Anyway. You know how when magazines want new subscribers they offer incentives? Like if you don't subscribe to Sports Illustrated, they'll offer you a clock radio or licensed team blanket or something. I used to get pissed off because I was a subscriber year in and year out, and they didn't make that same offer to me. I love getting new followers too. Just don't forget the old faithful ones. Send me my clock radio, or I'm unfollowing you.

  8. Let's go to facebook and make this thing official.I love that you call me your friend. I'm a terrible friend though, because all I do is talk about myself. ahahahaha.

  9. Oh hell, I can't believe some people are so picky! Words are words, who gives a crap, I'm sure God doesn't mind a cuss word every now and then so I don't know why any one else would! And anyone with half a brain does not judge an entire religion by one person…Keep on being who you are Lexi, I love how you write because it's real.

  10. you said it right – your blog, your thoughts, your words. if they don't want to read it, don't. (i started a "blog war" with my 'horrid' posts) people are ridiculous sometimes – mormon or not. i think you're perfect! πŸ™‚

  11. I didn't know you had a scar on your forehead…that must be where you superpowers come from! Thanks for the reminder that focusing on the smaller things so much may make us miss the great things. It was a small wake up call for a different situation I've got here. Truth is true. πŸ™‚

  12. Two um.. qualities… I require in a friend are cussing and getting drunk every once in a while (weekly is preferable). I'll make an exception for you on the drinking. ;)Seriously, though, I didn't know you were Mormon until I had been reading your blog for a while. My brain said "huh, she's Mormon, interesting". And, that was it. I never thought about it again. That's the way it should be.

  13. I'll send you a clock. I'll send it to you hard. But here's the thing, Jimmy, I suck at telling stories in "real life" in fact, I'm pretty damn boring in real life. I'm better in writing. That's why I never want to really have to meet anyone outside these forums. At least without religion, you don't worry about hell so much, no?

  14. That sucks, Misty. It sucks a lot. Like I want to send you something funny in the mail it sucks so much.But i won't. Because I don't effing go to the post office.

  15. I do have a seriously sweet scar on my head. In fact it's scarS. I have one going down my head where I ran into the corner of a wall, and one going across it (making a sweet little cross on my head) where I went head first into a fireplace.Graceful I am not.

  16. I think that's the way it should be with the gays, too. "Huh, he's gay, interesting" and then never think about it again.You know, until you force them to be your best friend. Because that's what every woman wants. A gay friend.

  17. "There is no reason on earth you can't profess your love of swear words and the strength of your faith in the same sentence. Those things are not mutually exclusive. "I'm going to print that out and hang it on my computer. You are so right.

  18. Thank you. I don't plan on quitting or even switching the way I do this. Because *I* need to get the crazy out in little bursts. Better on this blog than in public forums, right?

  19. Tandy, you made me feel things again. I love you and hate you for that. I'm glad that someone thinks I will amount to something. Makes me feel soooooo gooooood.

  20. Found you through With a Little Moxie. Loved that post, love this one too. πŸ™‚ I'm always afraid to swear on my blog, even though sometimes I'd really like to. Glad to find a blog to read where you don't censor your feelings. Awesome. πŸ™‚

  21. My only issue with swearing is that there are some people out there that thing the F word is the only adjective available. They use it to describe things unrelated to what it really means. In those cases it makes a person look dumb. Content is important in the use of the swear word. You Lexi are not one of those people. You use them in the most appropriate instances. Most people who are looking for faith are not going to look at the language and run away. I enjoy your posts swear word and all.

  22. I'm LDS and not offended. No one really likes the super judgey ones anyway. Their the freaks that scares people off with their pushy, better then everyone ways. It's good for people to know we don't have to be perfect all the time, even though being perfect would be awesome.

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