I Need Some Direction.

I’ve been sitting staring at my keyboard for five whole minutes. For me to do something for that space of time without wandering onto something else is a big deal for me. Direction.

I need some direction. I’ve been asked to write for a couple of different places this week and everyone said they wanted me to just to write on any topic I would like.  Maybe not the best thing because my mind INSTANTLY goes to forcing someone to publish a post I wrote about this sweet llama sweater:

I’d make Melissa buy me one, but it’s sold out.

I’m good at writing the crap that comes to me when I have a funny story to tell, when I’m looking to be passive aggressive or when I feel passionately about something.  But when someone TELLS me to write something, I shut down. It’s like when my fantastically funny and excellent and drawing and creating web content cousin (who I am not buttering up because I want him to make my blog not look crappy) Pauly wanted me to write a funny story for an i-phone app. Couldn’t do it. Need direction. For a while he wrote an awesome comic strip based on my Status Updates. Here’s one of them:

Downright awesome, huh? I’m a freaking Narwhal.

Back to the subject at hand. Tell me what to write about. Please? All of the sites are Special Needs in nature.

Also, I’m 2 people away from having my millionth follower (not delusions of grandeur, just terrible at math) so if you’re not following, what the hell is wrong with you? Oh, not a “google” person? Fine. Follow on Facebook. And if you’re not on facebook, you actually don’t legally exist.  If effing Noah’s Dad can have 14,000 page followers, I can have 1,000. Have you seen his content? Not hilarious AT ALL!  I have more to say about him. That’s how I know I’m pre-“monstrating” (thank you Modern Family). Really. Once a month I write a post about his awful spam tactics and then get all afraid of his minions and don’t post it. When I get the urge to write it, I know my time of the month is only four days away. Or when I think about murdering my husband because of his hiccups, too.These are the signs. These are good for the world to know. (Cue rainbow behind me, “The more you knoooooooow”….)

Digression. Again! I’m going to print this post out for the next shrink I see who needs proof of my ADHD.

What should I write about? What crap would you like my exquisite view on? What turns you on? Don’t answer that one. It’s icky.

Also, if you want me to write for you, send me a gift and I’ll think about it. Like a llama sweater.

28 thoughts on “I Need Some Direction.

  1. What happens when the special needs community ages out of programs and their parents age out of being able to take care of them. I'm making it my mission to get the word out in our town's local election.

  2. Okay so I follow you on Bloglovin as of now. So technically you only need one follower. But if you want, I'll follow you on Facebook to make it official.

  3. You should TOTALLY post it! I have often wondered how that guy has so many followers. Would love to hear your views.I also really appreciate that you know what a narwhal is! So awesome. My daughter wanted a Narwhal pillow pet and was sad when we said they don't make them. My husband was *this* close to buying a unicorn and a whale pillow pet and surgically altering them.

  4. Does he for real have 14,000 followers? 14,000 people want to see pictures of what his child eats every day? I'm guessing 13,500 of those people have no children. . . or lives. Or they wouldn't have time for that crap.

  5. That would be a great post for YOU to guest post. I'm not there yet. And, to be quite honest with you, I can't go there in my brain yet with my kids. Lance and I were talking about that tonight. The need for us to set up trusts for them for when the age out. The problem being is that we have no extra money in our lives, so I've got to finish my degree and go to work to save money so that my kids will be taken care of. I hate that thought.

  6. Have you ever seen what happens to someone who dares say anything about him? It's BAD. Lisa Morguess did a post about it that was SO well written, wasn't defamatory or anything and people came out of the freaking woodwork to tell her she was a terrible person for not supporting the "Down syndrome community". It bugs. That dude does not speak for me. I've written it, I just need to nut up and post it. Maybe that's what I'll do to celebrate having a million followers.

  7. I want that llama sweater in an ostrich version. Perhaps in pink.Maybe you should write about the necessity of humor. Or the necessity of Narwhals. Or how parents of special needs children are like narwhals. Narwhals in llama sweaters. It would be really great if the next comic showed Lexi and Weird Beard in llama sweaters.

  8. You are freaking awesome. The end. (perhaps you could write something about having more than one child with SN? I am very curious about this topic and you're in a good place to educate us all….)

  9. (Note to self. Always copy comment before hitting publish. Because sometimes you get an error message and then hitting back button, the post is gone)I think I'm pre-monstrating also. ha!Anyway – I came over when I saw the word "llama". (I'm an Alpaca farmer)Love your blog and have sat here cracking up while reading a few of your stories. Oh – and I'm hopping over from Finding the Funny(In case you wanted to know).

  10. Took the kiddos to Twin Falls, ID for spring break to visit grandma – we stopped by a house that had llamas in the pasture. The owner came out and said we could come in anytime (into the field with the llamas). He said if we held still, they would come up to us. He also said that the llama business is not doing well right now and so he's holding into his 20+ llamas to sell later, just an FYI. Needless to say, we stayed in the car. Next time, I'm getting in there and taking a picture of myself with a llama to put on a t-shirt for you. Oh, and do a post on sensory processing disorders please 🙂 Mine kinda sucked yesterday. Mostly because I don't know if my kid really has it. Hope that doesn't that put me in the parent #3 category…

  11. Our peditrician thinks that our oldest has SPD, too. Have you been to the SPD blog (with the octopus to the right…> ). Judging from your last post, I doubt highly that you're a parent #3. Max really does look like he has some sensory things happening. I was thinking about doing a post about my favorite things that help with kids like Casey or Carter or even Max (and maybe eventually Abby…we'll see). But it was more in concept than in real writing about SPD. I will do that! Thank you!

  12. I had a conversation with? a friend his morning, and she shared the story of a friend who recently had a son. A son her husband desperately wanted after two daughters. The baby was diagnosed as having Down syndrome after birth. When she said this to me, my response (as a result of reading about your experiences) was to say, "There is a lot of joy ahead for them. It's not what they expected, but it will be there anyway." That sort of changed the course of our conversation.Long story to get to my suggestion – I would like to hear your thoughts on being that parent. What advice would you give to new parents as a been there done that mom? Additionally, what advice would you give to the parents in relation to their relationship with each other?

  13. My granddaughter is only six but I am already thinking about it. It needs to be addressed before our kids are of age. I understand that you can't go there right now. Neither can my daughter.

  14. This really cracked me up! You are a narwhal! I'm so with you on the Facebook thing. My mom is not on Facebook and every time I see her, I wonder if she is just a hologram. (Thanks for linking this up to #findingthefunny last week!)

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