First. I’ve started working out again. I do it not for physical fitness or to look good, I do it to keep The Darkness away. And the anxiety. I wanted to explain that to everyone I saw on this yuppy jogging path yesterday who gave me funny looks as I jogged while eating a king sized Rice Krispy Treat. Think I’m kidding? I’m not. It was awesome. I felt good after.
I’ve been having anxiety lately. Anxiety is the most useless of emotions. It’s not like depression. At least when I’m depressed I can write dark poems that scare people. Anxiety just makes me super bitchy.
My mother asked me again to stop swearing on this blog. I explained to her that this blog is written in my voice. For a long time, I wrote what I thought people wanted me to write. I wasn’t honest. Then I gave up trying to be who I thought people wanted me to be and just started being myself. My life is stressful. Swear words are used. It’s not being authentic to the stress and the chaos in my life and in my brain if I don’t write the way I truly see things. Also, it makes the sixth graders think I’m cool.
The nanny gets here in less than a month. I’m so excited I could die. Her name is Heidi, but henceforth, I will call her “The Best Thing That Has Ever Happened To Me” or “TBTTHEHTM” for short. I’ve never had such a luxury. I’ve dreamed about it. OH HOW I’VE DREAMED ABOUT IT. If I get a cat for my 30th birthday (for reals, get your gifts ready. June 1st.) my life will be complete. We only have her until the end of summer when we move to wherever we’re going next and lose our sweet sweet respite services from the State of Virginia. But until then, it’s going to be the most “epic” summer ever. And by “epic” I mean I’m going to be so freaking lazy that I will function just barely above conscious. Suck on that, Motherhood.
I leave you now a better person. Not me, you. You’re welcome.
Projected body type by the end of August.