First. I’ve started working out again. I do it not for physical fitness or to look good, I do it to keep The Darkness away. And the anxiety. I wanted to explain that to everyone I saw on this yuppy jogging path yesterday who gave me funny looks as I jogged while eating a king sized Rice Krispy Treat. Think I’m kidding? I’m not. It was awesome. I felt good after.
I’ve been having anxiety lately. Anxiety is the most useless of emotions. It’s not like depression. At least when I’m depressed I can write dark poems that scare people. Anxiety just makes me super bitchy.
My mother asked me again to stop swearing on this blog. I explained to her that this blog is written in my voice. For a long time, I wrote what I thought people wanted me to write. I wasn’t honest. Then I gave up trying to be who I thought people wanted me to be and just started being myself. My life is stressful. Swear words are used. It’s not being authentic to the stress and the chaos in my life and in my brain if I don’t write the way I truly see things. Also, it makes the sixth graders think I’m cool.
The nanny gets here in less than a month. I’m so excited I could die. Her name is Heidi, but henceforth, I will call her “The Best Thing That Has Ever Happened To Me” or “TBTTHEHTM” for short. I’ve never had such a luxury. I’ve dreamed about it. OH HOW I’VE DREAMED ABOUT IT. If I get a cat for my 30th birthday (for reals, get your gifts ready. June 1st.) my life will be complete. We only have her until the end of summer when we move to wherever we’re going next and lose our sweet sweet respite services from the State of Virginia. But until then, it’s going to be the most “epic” summer ever. And by “epic” I mean I’m going to be so freaking lazy that I will function just barely above conscious. Suck on that, Motherhood.
I leave you now a better person. Not me, you. You’re welcome.
Projected body type by the end of August.
Lexi Mag 
please move to Florida…and people that swear are awesome….
You always make me laugh. But please. . . stop swearing so much.
Your next move better be back to WA!!
Jim made me find this blog. I love that you get a nanny for the summer. Any good help a special needs parent can get is worth their weight in gold. I hope you have the best summer.
I am so jealous. I am also super happy for you too, yay!!!My mom asked me to stop swearing and I asked her to stop reading—I"ll tell you right now that did not go over too well. And there is sometimes no better feeling than to let go a good curse word (or 100)…and I'm sorry Lexi's mom for my bad language. I will try to clean it up but I can't make any promises…I'm sure you already know this but your daughter is a keeper. And writing what you really want to write and not what others want to hear is golden. It may get you kicked off the Tornado Alley Live web page but it's totally worth it.
Oh, man, can I drop my kids off for your nanny to take care of? You get super sweet respite services! Lucky b*tch! (that swear word's in there for solidarity's sake). I get only 15 hours of respite care here in Illinois (but don't let that dissuade you from moving here, please! Hell, I'll be your nanny if you come!) but that 15 hours is like gold to me. Gold, I tell you!
You always make me laugh too. But please…keep swearing. It makes me feel a lot better about calling my kids little shits.
Email me. About the Nanny. For reals.
A nanny! My daughter is a nanny – the best. Glad you are taking care of yourself.
I am so glad I found this blog. I am in love with you. Reading what you write is like thinking my own thoughts, only clever and humorous rather than terrifying and boring. Thank you.
We share a birthday….and swear words….though I hardly even swear on my blog. Heck, these days I don't blog anything, let along swear words.
You get a nanny for the summer??? Sorry but I'm going to have to hate you just a little now. Oh man what a wonderful gift. At Christmas I told my family to chip in and buy me a nanny for a few months. They all laughed which is too bad since I was totally serious. I didn't get my nanny for Christmas last year, maybe this year….
I have anxiety issues too, and I know I should jog. I have plans to start, but we'll see. And I love the rice krispy thing too.
Make me.
I wanted to call you the f word here, because it would have been hilarious, but I'm pretty sure I'd straight up be out of the will.And my mom has some cats I'd like to inherit.
I would strongly caution you against doing anything Jim says. But in this case, he was right. Dude. I don't even feel bad about it. I so freaking deserve this. Mostly because my kids do. Deserve a parental figure. During summer.
I'd like to hear that story, Lizbeth. Write it right now with all of the spare time you have accumulating like dust around you.
I feel like I should tell you I love you back. But I also feel like it's been a whole day since you said it and now it's a little awkward.
You should try swearing on your blog. It makes me like to post.
Where do you live? Depending on the state and the severity of Mark's CP, you might be able to get on a Medicaid Waiver. Medicaid is awesome, but it's only for the oober poor. But getting a WAIVER, waves the amount of money you make and bases it on your child's income. *at least that's the way it is in VA. It took me four months to get it here. It's what will pay for the nanny based on Abby's medical need. Basically put, however long ago, the government figured that it was cheaper to have children with special needs at home rather than in institutions. They would rather pay for a home health aid than for Abby to be living in an institution (which I absolutely wouldn't allow, but it makes the case). Virginia is the best for the waiver program, but there are several other states that are really good as well. Each state has programs, but some are harder to get on than others. In fact, in Washington state, Casey (my son with autism) has been on the waiting list for like 7 years. If you need help finding it, let me know.
Well I only have been following you for like a week, so its kinda creepy I said it anyway. That said, your blog has become a quick favorite of mine.
My mom told me my blog embarrasses her because of all the cursing.Naturally I told her to fuck off.
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You make me laugh! I'm so glad my mom doesn't read my blog. She'd always be asking me why I said that and why I said this. It'd totally stress me out!