I’m on my third therapist, actually. The first one I went to back in Washington when I was going through all of that chronic pain crap. He told me I was “too normal” for him. This, of course, was before Abby was born and WAY before I stopped caring what people thought. The second one I made cry in less than fifteen minutes. I’d LOVE to say it was because I’m so freaking awesome that I could break someone so fast, but it was just because she too has a child with autism. All she could do was sit there and say, “Autism is SO hard!” I don’t need that. Anyone could tell me that.
This one I told her that I needed someone who would tell me to “Nut up and get on with life…” and even that didn’t make her look at me funny.
But then the last time, she kept looking at me like I was crazy. I thought I was doing something right (I’m going to need another damn therapist to tell me why I get such a kick out of trying to get this therapist to think I’m nuts. It’s not ALL therapists. Just this one. I just wanted to mess with her the entire time I was there! Perfect use of my time and money, yes?). She kept looking down at my shirt. I wrote it off as her just looking at the large stain I had left on my shirt from eating my Cafe Rio salad on the way to the appointment. Or maybe, for once, someone was looking at my boobs. I didn’t even care that it was a chick! They haven’t been appreciated in like a decade. The appointment dragged on and on for what seemed like four years. Not helpful. She kept trying to tell me that the reason I’m “okay” with my kids’ diagnoses (is that right? Apostrophes are HARD) is because I haven’t fully come to terms with them.
Uh duh? Of course I haven’t. Casey was diagnosed close to 7 years ago. SEVEN. His autism changes all of the time. How can I come to terms with something that is so variable? And how can I come to terms with what are now the “inevitabilities” with Down syndrome when they, too, will change? If I had been born with Down syndrome, my life expectancy would have been into my twenties. Abby’s life expectancy is more than double that. Think of the advances that will be made in her (and Casey’s) lifetimes? Just because I don’t sit around crying that Abby might get Alzheimer’s before I do doesn’t mean I NEED TO. We just don’t know.
After the appointment I had to pee something fierce. So I ran to the bathroom and when I was washing my hands I noticed
what looked like a very large PUBIC HAIR right on my white shirt. I brushed it off as if it were a spider while doing the same kind of grossed out jig. It was before I could REALLY look at it. It looked like a pube. I’m pretty sure it was just a broken piece of my hair- but there’s no way of knowing. I know what it looked like. And that’s what counts.
And I now know that my therapist wasn’t looking at my bosom. That saddens me.
So I created a meme to share with you that helps me to sleep at night.
Probably not one of mass appeal, but it works, dammit.
(I don’t get the Ryan Gosling trend though. I’m not comfortable with a dude being skinnier or prettier or better dressed than I am).
Check out my friends’ memes. Ryan Gosling does Special Needs! http://www.extremeparenthood.com/
Lexi Mag 
Omg, I SO was not expecting that…thanks for the laugh on this dreary, stuck-at-work, pretending-to-be-busy afternoon!
Hahahaha. #1: How is it possible that I have never seen your blog before?! It is all kinds of hilarious and I have added you to my blog roll. #2: I'm guessing it was a pube on your shirt because DAMN that is some funny shit if it was. #3: I like your brand of crazy too! It's so much like my own. 😉
Okay so seriously, I said the same thing when I saw your blog today! How have I missed it?! It's so fantastic it makes me want to hurt you…with love…
She is lame and for 1 big reason – she should have TOLD you that you had something on your shirt! We girls should always help each other out with stuff like that… you know, tags sticking out, hairs on our shirts, whiteheads that must be popped NOW, etc., etc. And I TOTALLY agree with you on the Ryan Gosling thing.
Nothing like a bone-crushing, love filled hug to make a gal feel all warm and squishy inside.
Cheese and crackers that was HILARIOUS! And I do like your brand of crazy too!Although we have to disagree on the Ryan Gosling bit, I think he's dreamy 😀
Oh, I love this post for so many, many reasons! I agree with Sunday–that it was a pube just makes it so much better! Your blog is great!
Holy hell, woman! You are funny!
You're my kind of crazy too!!! Love it!!
I'm so happy that two of my favorite crazy-like people have found each other!Even though I had nothing to do with it….And Lexi….send me a pic of the boobs, I'll appreciate them…
omgod! I am SO glad I played along with this meme. Literally laughing outloud at this (like a crazy person!)Oh.my.God.I'd never be able to walk back in again.LOL
Ryan Gossling. GAG. He just seems kind of douchey.Funny story though.
Ahahahaha! (breathe) ahahahaha!
Oh, but you DO make me smile!
hahahahaha 🙂
Too freaking funny.And I DO get the whole Ryan thing…. oh how I'd love to get the whole Ryan thing…:)
Ryan knows how to make it all better!
I laughed so hard I think my smile is permanent for the rest of the day.
You are HILARIOUS! And I love it! Just what I need. We need to do lunch again. I feel like I'm crazy. completely. lunch with you would be good.
Name the day, I'm in.
I don't plan on ever going back. Not ever.
Um.Eww.And also, HAHAHAHAH!
I can't seem to leave a message on your newer blog post so I will say here that I have recommended at least two autism blogs to you at least two times! Want them again?
Oh my gosh – you're a nut! 🙂 I love this. Thanks for linking up to finding the funny! I'm pinning this to our Finding the Funny Pinterest board. PS – Sorry if you don't get a ton of traffic from the party. It looks like you linked up your blog URL rather than this post URL, so some people may not find this post (but I really hope they do because it's awesome!)Hope to see you next week! 🙂
So hilarious, glad I found you!
How did I miss this post from you, Holly? I live and breathe for your responses. Like crack, except not crack. I wish it were. I've got a ton of shit to do.Also, I really will send you a picture of my breasts. They are horrific.
you complete me.
LMAO! That sounds like a byte out of MY life! I love your brand of crazy too, LOL 🙂 !!
Stopping by from My Life and Kids. Great story. Reminds me of the episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm where Larry has a pubic hair caught in the back of his throat and can't remove it. Your therapist isn't Dr. Freud, I hope. Might have a lot to say about this piece 🙂