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Momfessions, New Years Edition

I think I’m going to go about New Year’s Resolutions in a completely different way this year. Like a 12 step process or something. So I decided I’d just go ahead and air out all of my demons. That way I can work on them, right?

  • I’m not against poptarts for breakfast. Not for the kids though, they get too hyper. I’m also not against having said poptarts with a can of Mountain Dew. 
  • I don’t choose the path of least resistance. It chose me.
  • The laundry pile is ALWAYS there. Always. When someone shows up to my house, I say, “Oh, I’m sorry, you caught me on laundry day!”
  • Yoga pants are the greatest thing ever invented. It makes it okay that I haven’t showered because I’m about to go workout. I’ve never worked out in these pants. Not ever.
  • If I didn’t have to feed my husband, all we would have in the house is Mac N’ Cheese, cold cereal, chicken nuggets and poptarts. 
  • My kids had popcorn for breakfast today (okay just kidding, they had a healthy well balanced meal. For reals. But they had popcorn for most breakfasts during the break because I refused to get up with them). 
  • I love my kids the most when they are sleeping.
  • I don’t read Casey’s IEP’s or Abby’s care sheets after they are written (unless I’m thinking about legal action, which out here I don’t have to think about…right?). They could say “we’re going to turn your child into a firey dragon monster” and I’d sign on the line.
  • I hate playing games with my kids. I’m constantly cheating or making up rules to make the game end faster. 
  • On any given morning, I would trade just about ANYTHING to 1.) stay in bed and 2.)not have to make sandwiches for my kids’ lunches. I hate making sandwiches. Worst part of my day.
  • When my house is a freaking mess and I know someone is going to stop by, I’ll take the broom and sweep ALL of the mess into some room in the house. This usually works great. Except that time when Casey wanted to show Abby’s therapist his titanic picture in his room. The chosen dump room of the day. 
  • I’ll change Abby’s diaper anywhere. I really don’t care. At the water park we went to this weekend, I decided to change her out of her swim diaper on my lap. I didn’t realize that she had BLOWN OUT all over the place. I got diarrhea everywhere. All down the front of me. All over the stroller (that I quickly tried to move her to after I had wrecked my outfit). It was disgusting.    Also, I was in a food court. 
  • Casey learned the F word from Youtube. 
  • Baby wipes all smell like poo to me now. So I always think my hands smell like poo. But I don’t do anything about it.
  • I resolved to stop picking at my zits this year. I spent a long time looking at myself in the mirror thinking about other resolutions before I realized that the entire time I was looking in the mirror, thinking about resloutions, I was picking zits.
  • There’s a good reason I’m in the top 3% of my Spades League. 

So there you go. Some things I should probably make resolutions about. 

    7 thoughts on “Momfessions, New Years Edition

    1. LOVE!! You are so real, none of that phony crap people write about on blogs that only show the perfect parts of their lives. Really, we all know they're just hiding from their reality….

    2. A lot of these crack me up, but the water park one really does. I'm kind of the same way about diaper changing, especially since some places do not have changing tables. Oh, that irritates me. Last summer, I was a water park, and I had the three kids by myself. I was not about to try and drag them out of the water to go to the bathroom, and I couldn't leave them by themselves, so I just changed Kamdyn's diaper real quick. It wasn't long before an angry park employee came over and reprimanded me. I felt like I was in the 5th grade again. Live and learn, I guess.

    3. I really needed this laugh today. Thanks!I can relate on so many levels.Not reading the kids' IEP, playing games with kids, yoga pants, the never ending laundry story….it's nice to know I'm not alone 😉

    4. You are soo funny. And you're laundry pile… I do that ALL the time. "Oh, sorry about the laundry on the couch, I was just sitting down to fold it." haha! You're hilarious.

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