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so completely inappropriate.

I wanted to share all of the good news about Abbo’s appointment with the specialist, but alas, all I really want to post is the funny and terrible horrible story I shouldn’t post. But it’s just…ah…too good.

I should start with this. We are a Happily Married Monogamous Couple. We do what HMMC’s do. IT.

Today we got caught (oh holy crap, I realized that my mother in law reads this…and you know why I realized it after that sentence? Because she caught us. On our freaking wedding day.)

The kids were busy. Abby was asleep. We locked the door and tried to get down to biznez. Casey clomps down the hall and tries the door. I start to giggle. We thought he left when we see his little face shmushed on the floor looking under the freaking 2 inch gap below the door. “Whatchu doin’ in dat bed?” he says. (fortunately we were covered up. That reminds me…for the longest time I thought that the reason Casey didn’t talk was because of the time he caught us when he was 2. But the geneticist says that autism is all genetic. Take that, irrational fears! I didn’t really think that sight had made him speechless, though. That’s a lie. I tell that one a lot. )  I keep laughing. Really hard. We get him to leave and soon after Lance tries to salvage any hope he has of actually continuing. I didn’t realize this as he went into kiss me. Just as he did, I had taken in a large breath because I was still laughing. He smushed my mouth together so that the only way I could breathe was through my nose. So with the force of all my laughter…

I snotted all over his face.

aaaand you’re welcome. Try not to picture any of this in your brain. You’ll never want for another lover and also, snot is gross.

PS. Hey Lance, maybe you should start reading my blog so as to stop these things from staying up for extended periods of time.  (that’s what she said)

12 thoughts on “so completely inappropriate.

  1. I can't believe you shared that story on international blog world. You have MAJOR cojones. Like, bigger than those stupid bull ones rednecks hang from their pickup's undercarriage.That story is so effing classic. I bet it didn't even dampen Lance's desire for you (or IT), either.

  2. I've been reading this post to my friends (2) and my family (mom and sis) in my hometown. They all laughed heartily. I think you and my friend in my hometown would quickly become bosom buddies. Your humor is similar. Thanks for the laugh!

  3. Love it!! These are the things we have to tell someone, because they are just so ridiculous, they have to be true, and people have to know. You are so funny! And open… which is so healthy, in my humble opinion. 🙂

  4. BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love this so much, I don't even know where to begin. Thankfully I have never caught my parents… Even though one time I did go to the door which was locked and I KNEW what they were doing. This is a fear of mine, I mean when I get married and have kids.. because I think I want to do it all the time… TMI, that I dream of being a nympho? Oh well.

  5. I LOVE this! I may have just snotted all over the computer covering my laughter trying not to draw the children's attention to what I'm reading. Fantastic!

  6. Oh, isn't marriage wonderful! It's funny how something that would never fly on a first (or eightieth date) is nothing more than a laughing matter after you've married someone and shot their children out of your body!

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