So I became an aunt again for the 452nd time a few weeks ago! He’s cute. He’s new. I bought him a pillow pet and made him a card. I did. But do I EVER send anything? Nope. I even told Melanie that I had bought it and the first thing she said was, “you’ll never send it” and then she told me I don’t read good. I’m not sure why she was so hateful.

And honest.

So I made him a card that looked something like this (I stole the idea from pinterest. I didn’t click on the link. If I had, I would have learned that I could have just bought it and saved myself this awesome story. You can buy it, too. You should.  If YOU ARE that chick, I’m sorry. But I’d like for you to be my best friend. See the repeated messages in your inbox and what I wrote on the bottom of your restraining order. Those aren’t hearts.)

Cute, eh? I thought so. But the first one didn’t print out so well. So I used the other side of that paper as a scratch piece of paper and made a new one. That scratch piece of paper became my angry doodlepad while I was on the phone with DHS trying to get my kids on the Medicaid Waiver so I can finally get some damn respite. It’s not working. So I wrote down everyone I spoke to and their numbers.

Last week Abby had her IFSP appointment (individualized something something something). I was explaining to them how I needed to get a screener out to see Abby but no one could tell me the right person. They asked who I had spoke to so I went and grabbed my scratch sheet of paper.

I didn’t understand why they were looking at me so funny until after I left and turned the paper over.

That’s right. My scratch paper said “genitals” in really big letters. Hugghga. It shows the level of humor they had, too. They did not laugh. I am not funny. Let this be a lesson to you, children, don’t ever plagiarize.

Sorry Katie, Travey and baby Gibson. I still have your card and your gift. I’m turning it into a shrine. Nothing but love.