Story of the day. Today I was rushing about trying to get my house cleaned before the people from the state came in to do Abby’s next round of evaluations (they are by law “mandatory reporters” which really helps motivate me to make my house not stink of diapers and other such grossness).  I’ve been super thirsty, so I pee, A LOT. I had the music up loud so I put my phone in the back pocket of my pants so I’d feel it vibrate if anyone called (the butt jiggle is every bit as awesome as you can imagine). I pull my pants down to pee, and plop! The phone goes into the toilet.

ME:
Someone tried to drown my phone in the toilet. When I found it, I immediately put it in rice. So for now, I have no phone. This is the only way we can communicate. I’m giving the school your phone number in case of an emergency.

Lance:
Did you pull the battery?

Me:
Yes. And I even sucked out the water that was in there, which is awesome, because it was TOILET WATER. That’s what it said to do on popular mechanics. That or use your compressor to press air into it, but we don’t have a compressor. If I get some crazy fecal death because of it, I should be remembered as a hero.

Lance:
I just showed that e-mail to my co-worker and we both laughed out loud.  You are a hero. I was just psyching myself up to buy you a new phone…again, and if this one goes down the drain you certainly can say you did all in your power to save it.  I mean going mouth to mouth to mouth on a dirty little kid that drowned in a pool is easy, mouth to mouth on a phone that drowned in a toilet is a whole other level.

Me:  Fanfreakingtastic, asshat, now your coworkers will NEVER kiss me on the mouth. You ruin everything.

See? I have a filthy mouth.  

(It’s not too late to enter the giveaway…but time’s ticking!)