I can’t say that I’d always wanted a girl. I’m not a girly person. I always thought that Lance just didn’t produce X chromosomes, and that we’d have only boys. The big reason I wanted to have a girl is to see what one of mine and Lance’s girls would look like (and also to use my sweet bracelet and tutu making skills, and to decorate her room, and to dress her, and to do her hair…okay, I kinda wanted a girl). So when we found out Abby was a girl I was SO excited to see what she’d look like. Would she be more Magnusson? I spent some time looking at pictures of Lance’s sister, Leslie, when she was a baby when we were visiting at Christmas. How beautiful she was (and is)! Would she look like Leslie? Leslie and Lance look a lot a like- and if you look at my boys, Magnusson genes do seem to be dominant. Would she look Price? Would she be dark like I was when I was born? Would she have my slanty eyes and mop of dark brown hair? Would she have hair? Would she look like any of her brothers? I knew one thing for sure though, she’d be beautiful.
So when Abby was first born the very first thing I noticed was that she didn’t look like me. Or Lance. My first thought was, “she kind of has a smushy face.” (I feel like I’m admitting something big in saying that. In fact, I just barely told Lance that I had thought that. But I didn’t mean that I thought she was ugly, it was just the first thing that I noticed- that her features are all closer to the middle of her face. I just used the word “that” five times. It bothers me but I’m not sure how to fix it.). Then I noticed her eyes. They weren’t slanty like mine. They were almond shaped and had epincathal folds. I noticed her flat profile and her low set ears. And for a minute she didn’t have my features or Lance’s. She just had Down syndrome.
For a minute. For a minute I was vain. Really vain. I worried what the world would think of her. I worried that people wouldn’t see how beautiful she was because she had Down syndrome. For a minute I was sad because I didn’t get to see how Lance and I would really look put into a girl with regular chromosomes.
For a minute. And since I’ve just seen the most amazing little girl that steals my heart every single time I look at her.
She’s more beautiful
than I could have ever dreamed.
It’s like that extra chromosome made her beautiful in ways that a combination of mine and Lance’s genes alone could not express. And she still has a combination of our genes. Just a little bit more. She has Lance’s cheeks and my chin. She has her brothers thick, long eyelashes.There might be some in this world who only see Abby for the Down syndrome. But they will be few and far between.
It’s a lot like my life (I’m waxing philosophical on you- sorry- but it’s getting me out of doing the laundry, so you can stick it). It’s more beautiful than I could have ever dreamed. I would have never sat down and planned my life out this way. It’s way better than anything I would have planned. I’ve said it before. If we pray and listen, God will make of our lives much more than we could have ever made of them on their own. My life is fuller, richer (and stickier) because of the things that the world just sees as hard. And you don’t really have to look all that close to see, my life is really, really beautiful.