Lance

My husband has a blog.

I thought the day would never come. But it has. Cold, dreary, sticky day. Lance has a blog. He did it so that he could “follow” my blog. Or at least that’s what he said. It’s totally going to turn into his Facebook page. He hasn’t been on Facebook in like a year. 
Sometimes I get on his and mine at the same time and fight with myself because I absolutely cannot get him to fight with me at home. I’ve tried. A lot.
Like today. I was flipping through my brain roledex of things that I could possibly be mad at him for. So I brought up the fact that he doesn’t read my blog. I know he doesn’t because every once in a while I throw something in about him that’s totally untrue (it’s been a while, but I’ll think of something for my next post) and he never calls me on it. That might just be because he’s scared to death of me. And who wouldn’t be? Have you seen me? I wreak of rage and death and whatnot.
You read my blog, and you probably have never met me. Which is cool because I’m crazy intimidating in person. The ratio of people who have met me who read my blog to people who haven’t is slowly tipping in the stalkers favor. Which makes me happy also because you won’t ask me to watch your kids. I would be able to give you a scientific number- but only 48 of you “follow” this blog publicly. I wish I could get more of you to come out of the closet. Unless the 48 of you are all coming five times a day. Then my stats would totally make sense. If you follow me, I’ll follow you. That’s how you know this isn’t a cult. Yet.
If Lance is allergic to cats, does that automatically mean he’d be allergic to small woodland creatures? Like opossums? 
I wouldn’t mind an opossum. Mostly because I like shaking my fist and yelling, “POOOSSSSUUUMMMM!” and lately, I’ve only been able to do that at the dead ones in the road. Every couple of years about this time, the possoms start throwing themselves in front of cars. Do you wonder if it has anything to do with people announcing their candidacy for the next presidential election? Probably not, but I wouldn’t discount it. If this is what happens when Trump says he’s thinking about it, could you imagine what’s going to happen when Palin finally commits? 
I think about sharks a lot. 

So now one of us will have a blog that makes some sort of sense. We have separate computers, why not have separate blogs, right? We’re totally on our way to having our own twin beds. Which would be so awesome because they don’t make the sheets I want in anything but twin size. Guess which kind.

 Lance is gassy tonight. I’m not. At all.                                                                                   
     

6 thoughts on “My husband has a blog.

  1. I don't think she did…. don't worry we'll still like yours better. Promise. :)Seriosly… how do yo come up with this stuff? Soooo funny. And how did yo get so many followers? I have 4 so far, and no stalkers. 😦 I kinda want a stalker. LOL

  2. Pam. It's in my blogroll. It's called "I just bloviated in my pants". It's basically a site for me and my husband to fight with each other on in ways that we wouldn't out loud. Bethany, hi. Always love new stalkers. 49 followers is a lot? Shoot for the moon, girl. Some people have 60. Drew. Of course they do. But the threadcount on those is nil, so you've guessed wrong.

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