They say ‘knowledge is power’ but sometimes it’s only anxiety. Like yesterday. We took Abby in for her follow up appointment with the cardiologist. He opens up the file and tells us that her hole was so big at birth that they had doubted it would close up on its own. He also said that there was a good chance the hole had only gotten bigger as she had grown and if so, she’d need surgery.

The told us none of this when we learned about her atrial septal defect (ASD). They told us that it was no big deal and that they’d just keep an eye on it.

I’m so glad I didn’t know. That ten minutes between hearing how big the hole in her heart was and learning that it had shrunk to almost half it’s size I was SICK. I wanted to puke and cry and puke and cry. But she’s fine. It’s closing up on its own and they’re now almost 100% sure she won’t need surgery to fix it.

I don’t know why they didn’t tell me the extent of it in the hospital- but I’m SO grateful. I couldn’t have handled the last five months knowing that there could have been a real problem.

They do say that this tiny hole could be causing her to not be able to fight her colds as well as regular kids. I never knew there was such a correlation- but it sure explains the last month and a half.

I think about how we found out that Abby had Down syndrome. I’m glad I didn’t know for sure during my pregnancy. I would have only worried. Finding out while she was in my arms was a sweet experience. I got to feel of her spirit and know with a surety that she was supposed to be with us.

I’m grateful to not have to fear the things I don’t know much about. Like global warming.