Carter · confessions · family · nerds

Good intentions always end up in bulleted lists.

I’ve been doddling around on the subject of Abby’s birth. I’ve wanted to write it so it would be as amazing as it was and I’m nowhere close. I’ve written whole pages and then deleted them. I should probably not do that. I’ve got to realize that no writing will ever do it justice, and just do it, so hopefully it’ll happen soon. We’ll see.
So for now, I’m just going to write excerpts from real life. and some made up stuff, I’m sure.

  • June’s over. It was a big month for me. Had a baby. She’s beautiful. Had a baby who needed to stay at the hospital after I went home. I hate that! June is also my birthday month. This birthday all I wanted to do was GIVE BIRTH, but I’m so glad I didn’t. She needed more time. The doctor won that bet. This June was also the 15th anniversary of my father’s passing. Man I miss him. I’m pretty sure my dad pulled some strings in Heaven to give us the gift of Abby. I’m grateful for that.
  • I got to spend some time with my mom. I adore her. So much. She was amazing. When she left it took some adjusting to having to do things around my house. She had to have done non stop dishes while she was here because she was gone seven minutes and I had to do two loads. She also had to deal with a massive Casey breakdown as he was clawing at the stuff we had in our garbage pile for garbage amnesty day just as the dudes were coming to get it. That’s a lot. They should really stop letting us put stuff out for that day. But for us, it’s like a holiday. I didn’t write enough good things about my mom. I suck for that.
  • I finished some of Abby’s paperwork for the Early Intervention center here. When I called the secretary remembered Casey. It was my first foray into the kind of reaction I get when people learn that I have an autistic son and a Down syndrome daughter. I think the paperwork made things a little more (too?) real for me. There’s a lot to do. This month hasn’t been without me breaking down. Not because I’m sad, but because I’m afraid. I’m also hormonal. Like a crazy woman. Or like a bat. I picture bats being hormonal. Either way, I am scared. I don’t know if I’m mom enough to handle this. I’m grateful for prayer. A lot a lot of prayer. I’m also grateful for the wonderful people I have who not only tell me I can do this, but are also there to help.
  • I’m SO grateful for Carter. He has always been old for his age, but this month especially. Sometimes I forget that he’s only seven. Today we were having a conversation in the car and he asked, “why did Heavenly Father send us Abby?”. I thought that alone was pretty profound. I told him that Heavenly Father thinks he is pretty great and that he’s such a great big brother to Casey when he needs extra help that he knew he could send us another one who would need a little extra help and it would be okay. He says, ” I think it’s okay, too.” And that’s Carter. He will rise to the occasion and not think twice about it. He gets that from his dad.
  • I got to ride in an ambulance last week. Awesome. It was because of a really awful complication from a complication of the delivery. If you want the gruesome details, I will provide. I’m not scared. But they are GROSS. I was scared though. I thought my hospital stay would mean that the shower they were having the next day wouldn’t happen. But it did. Oh did it. See next bullet.
  • Okay so my shower was so freaking awesome that if you weren’t there you would think I was making the details up. For reals. I can’t wait to get the pictures back from Kylie (HINT HINT) so that I can put up a whole post about the awesomeness of the shower, of my friends, of my ward and especially of HEATHER JAMES. Oh man. It was awesome.
  • My uterus knows I’m done with it and has launched an assault. She two bullets above.
  • It’s midnight. I need to clean my wreck of a house because the family is coming in for Abby’s blessing (Sunday at the Hoover building at 9 am). The baby is stirring a little. I think I’ll wake her so we can play and I can not clean. Ever.

This post was long and it didn’t have any pictures. I hate posts like that. Sorry.

5 thoughts on “Good intentions always end up in bulleted lists.

  1. You are special, Lexi.Thank you for using bullets. I love bullets and it made your stories transition so well. I did not have one ounce of ADD while reading this.I hadn't thought about bats being hormonal, but it totally makes so much sense.

  2. I love me a bulleted list. Sometimes life is just too complicated and the only way to restore order is with lists. Also, I can't wait to hear/read Abby's birth story, but I understand the difficulty in writing about it. I think the birth of a baby is such an intensely spiritual experience, even under normal circumstances, that it's hard to pin it down with words.

  3. bats are hormonal – especially post-partum bats. Yep, as soon as those bat eggs hatch, the batmoms go crazy. IT IS A SCIENTIFIC FACT!I love you boo. I wish I could help. I wish I could hold cute Abby and not clean ever, too.

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