So I sat down to do a post on statistics. I’m so nerdy. (not as nerdy as lance, but that’s only because I try really really hard) But I have NO attention span. In the last HOUR I have started looking up the statistical information that I usually just make up…which took me to some autism sites…which took me to some surveys that I hadn’t finished for the IAN Project…which made me too too bored…so I went back to Facebook (of course) and
saw that Erin had posted about how she hasn’t blogged…which made me want to find fun ways to prank the Hoskins…
(in a side story about such things, my husband and I made a special trip on our date several weeks ago to buy a bunch of crappy toliet paper to get the Hoskin’s new tree that they had been excited for…and then it turned out that their new tree probably couldn’t hold the roll from which the paper came without some major issues, so now we have to use 24 rolls of crappy toliet paper, which is no fun because I JUST HAD A BABY…so they got us this time…oh how they got us…)
…which made me feel bad because I promised myself I’d prank Pam first…which made me remember that I still had Pam’s cup from when she brought me a smoothie…which made me remember that I made a smoothie this morning that’s still in the blender (it’s been a couple of hours)…which made me think I should clean…which brought me back to the computer because I HATE CLEANING…which made go to my blog page to post about how ADD I am.
I’d post a whole day’s worth of adventures, but again, no brain.
Seriously. I have ISSUES.
In all of this I’ve been feeding/not feeding the baby. Neither of us have the attention span to finish a bottle.
I was going to finish the previous sentence with a new picture of Abby, but I’d have to find my camera and upload it…and that with all of the extra things I’ll do in between will take until tomorrow…
OKAY SO WHAT I DID WHILE I WAS WRITING THIS POST:
- Found a picture of Pam on facebook. Spoke to Pam on facebook. Called her out on her bull.
- Got angry with Misty (as angry as you can get at her…) on facebook for badgering me about things I have NO CONTROL OVER, so I found a picture of her as well and made that fancy link to her blog on the side.
- Saw a picture of Courteny on facebook and decided to start hunting down all of my cute maternity clothes…
- Finished feeding Abby, but did not change her. That’s next.
- Downloaded a never been released Pearl Jam song and spent fifteen minutes trying to get into the right playlist on Itunes
- Almost murdered Peyton, but that’s par for the course
- Wrote babysitter to come save me…or Peyton…while I get more olive oil from the store…and something to clean the olive oil off of my hardwood…
- etc etc lost track…
Seriously. So gross. Worth it? Yes. But so so gross.
But not by Abby. She’s about as easy a baby as they come. It’s a little unfair. She sleeps for four hours straight at night and doesn’t cry.
I’m overwhelmed by the response to her having Down syndrome. Everyone has been so beyond wonderful. I don’t know what I did to get the friends and family I’ve been blessed with, but I’m so grateful.
Your comments, letters and emails have been so so wonderful. There hasn’t been a time that I’ve opened my email the last couple of days and haven’t found a letter that didn’t make me cry. I’ve printed them out so I can read them over and over again when things are trying. Thank you for supporting me and my family.
I’m grateful for the Gospel. For the knowledge that I am a daughter of God. That He knows me. That He loves me. I have felt that in great abundance this last week. I’m humbled that He would see me fit to have another one of his favorites in my home. I do not feel even close to worthy.
I want to write something really profound. Something that would convey the way I feel. Something that would show you a little of what these past few days have been like.
But I can’t. No one could. They’ve been impossibly too sweet to even come close to express it in words.
Abby arrived on Saturday at 12:14 in the afternoon. She didn’t come into this world by her self. I’m sure that she had many escorts with her, as the feeling in the room was as sacred as it gets outside of the temple. Immediately there was this wonderful quiet calm as I realized that the feelings that I’ve been having for months were not me being crazy, but being prepared. I had felt like she had Down Syndrome. Not just that there was something different about her or whatever, I had a little feeling over and over again that she had Down syndrome. I thought I was being crazy so I didn’t say anything to anyone about it, but I also couldn’t shake it. I know now that it was the Spirit letting me know that one of God’s finest was on her way.
We knew immediately. The doctor confirmed it, and then everyone in the room braced for our reaction. I think I braced myself too, for a feeling of dread or deep sadness to come. It didn’t. It still hasn’t. I just felt so humbled. So so humbled. I felt like Heavenly Father was telling me that we’re doing something right with Casey because he trusts us with another one of his favorites. I feel like I’ve been given some big calling that I know I’ll never ever be worthy of, but that I better start trying right now. I feel like I’ve just been given the greatest gift in the entire world. And I have.
It’s been a huge blessing to not feel a sense of grief over this. I can completely understand why parents would after hearing such news, and I’m definitely not trying to minimize how anyone who has gone through this has felt. When Casey was diagnosed I went through several months of grief. Maybe years even. Somehow, that hasn’t happened. Maybe it’s because we know the joy of having a child with special needs. How wonderful every little accomplishment can be. How sweet the spirit is that they bring into our lives.
Whatever it is, we’re happy. We are SO happy. I can’t wait to bring her home. Hopefully it will be soon. She just needs to start breathing a little better, not get too much more jaundiced and keep eating like a champ. Seems like a lot, but she’s tough. She can do it.
There’s too much more to write. I’ll get to it. Maybe.
It got out of hand, but Heather wanted me to post it. I love Heather. Not just because she brought me eclairs and gushed about my tree for forever, but also because she no longer squirms when I grab her bottom.
Okay, I don’t. But I could.
It’s in the nursery which will be very cute if I ever ever finish it. I don’t finish anything.
I want to verbally assault you, only because I wanted to use the word “diatribe” this week.
So on Facebook there’s this “copy and paste status update” thing that says something like, “my wish for 2010 is for people to understand that autism is not a disease, so it can’t be caught like a cold, and that we aren’t looking for a cure but acceptance”. It’s such GARBAGE. Seriously!
I don’t know if I’d go as far to say that it isn’t a disease. I don’t think anyone with half a brain thinks that they can get autism from standing next to Casey anyways. I almost kind of hope it’s a disease, because then maybe they’ll find a treatment, a cure, or even (and wouldn’t this be wild…ooooh, I feel another diatribe coming) an immunization against it. There are some disabilities that aren’t diseases- they are chromosomal abnormalities or birth defects. But we just don’t know with autism.
Second, we ARE LOOKING FOR A CURE. Are you kidding me? Why would we even need acceptance if there were a CURE? You can take your acceptance and shove it. I’d do anything for a cure. ANYTHING. I think it makes people feel good about themselves to say that they are so accepting of people with special needs. Or to flaunt that they know someone who has autism and they’re soooo good with them. I’m actually thinking of someone in particular here. They SUCK with Casey. If you want to show the world that you ‘accept’ children with autism, just do your best to treat them as close as you can to ‘normal’. Or as close as they will let you. Or really, just TRY. That’s all that matters.