I want to write something really profound. Something that would convey the way I feel. Something that would show you a little of what these past few days have been like.
Abby arrived on Saturday at 12:14 in the afternoon. She didn’t come into this world by her self. I’m sure that she had many escorts with her, as the feeling in the room was as sacred as it gets outside of the temple. Immediately there was this wonderful quiet calm as I realized that the feelings that I’ve been having for months were not me being crazy, but being prepared. I had felt like she had Down Syndrome. Not just that there was something different about her or whatever, I had a little feeling over and over again that she had Down syndrome. I thought I was being crazy so I didn’t say anything to anyone about it, but I also couldn’t shake it. I know now that it was the Spirit letting me know that one of God’s finest was on her way.
We knew immediately. The doctor confirmed it, and then everyone in the room braced for our reaction. I think I braced myself too, for a feeling of dread or deep sadness to come. It didn’t. It still hasn’t. I just felt so humbled. So so humbled. I felt like Heavenly Father was telling me that we’re doing something right with Casey because he trusts us with another one of his favorites. I feel like I’ve been given some big calling that I know I’ll never ever be worthy of, but that I better start trying right now. I feel like I’ve just been given the greatest gift in the entire world. And I have.
It’s been a huge blessing to not feel a sense of grief over this. I can completely understand why parents would after hearing such news, and I’m definitely not trying to minimize how anyone who has gone through this has felt. When Casey was diagnosed I went through several months of grief. Maybe years even. Somehow, that hasn’t happened. Maybe it’s because we know the joy of having a child with special needs. How wonderful every little accomplishment can be. How sweet the spirit is that they bring into our lives.
Whatever it is, we’re happy. We are SO happy. I can’t wait to bring her home. Hopefully it will be soon. She just needs to start breathing a little better, not get too much more jaundiced and keep eating like a champ. Seems like a lot, but she’s tough. She can do it.
There’s too much more to write. I’ll get to it. Maybe.