Dear Craig,

You should put one of those “easy buttons” on the side of the camera so when you go to whack the camera you can hit the button and out will pop ANYONE ELSE to do your monologue.

I’m sorry. That was uncalled for. I’m just a little sad that I haven’t been invited yet to do a musical number on your show. Also, I’ve sent you many emails. I figure that what I don’t make up in quality, I’ll make up with quantity. You know that concept well, huh?

Loves,
Lexi