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You know it’s just like me.

Every time I’ve been on here, it’s to post about my uncle Gordon. But it’s too hard. So I skirt the issue, try to think of something funny to say or wander around my family’s blogs. I don’t like talking about things like this so much.

A couple of weeks ago my uncle Gordon died of a massive heart attack. It came out of nowhere. The next day (Saturday) we left for Utah. My husband had to leave for San Diego on Monday- leaving me with the kids for all of the events of the week. I guess I don’t really realize how much I need him until he’s not there. I was (and am) so sad. I’m sad that I won’t see Gordon at Family Reunions– he used to come prepared with a good story of my dad to share, and I’m sad that he won’t be playing hours of horseshoe with Lance. But I’m most sad for his wonderful family. I’m so sad for his wife, Rosemary. She’s one of the most wonderful people I’ve ever known. I could not imagine losing my husband. Just having him gone that hard week was enough. It made me ache to see her like that. She’s too wonderful a person to feel so bad. I’m sad for his children. His daughter, Laura, is about my age- she had her wedding reception the night before mine, and we had one of our bridal showers together. I absolutely love Laura. She had just had a baby before this happened. He is beautiful. I can’t say that I knew how she felt- losing your dad doesn’t feel the same at every age and in every circumstance- but I hated that I knew what kind of pain she was in. That all of those children were in.

The services were wonderful, and of course, were packed. He was so loved. Casey had a hard time with the amount of people there, so I didn’t get to hear much of the funeral but for the dedication of the grave my brother in law took casey for a walk, and I was so grateful. I will never forget the sight of Colton, Gordon’s youngest, carrying the casket. Young boys should not have to do that. It was too much. I started to cry into Peyton’s shoulder (who I was holding). I looked down and there was little Blakey Wellman looking up at me, and he gave me the biggest smile ever. I guess that’s why we are told to be like little children.

So, this has been sad. But there is much hope. When I walked into the Smart’s house it felt the same as the way my house felt when my dad passed away. An added portion of the Spirit. I’m so grateful for this gospel, that families can be together forever. That what’s sad here won’t be sad in the afterlife. I miss my own dad a lot, especially lately, but I’m grateful to know that he checks in on me from time to time and that I will get to see him again.

8 thoughts on “You know it’s just like me.

  1. Lexi, YOU are amazing.My mom told me she got to meet you while you were down here and she says she’s been reading your blog. She went on and on yesterday about how great she thinks you are, and she said to me, “The Lord trusted her with an autistic son for a reason. She is obviously a strong, patient, and loving woman. What a lucky boy.” My thoughts EXACTLY.I love you Lexi!!

  2. Sorry we didn’t get to do much more than hug at the funeral. I have been procrastinating my post about Gordon, too. I just can’t put my sadness into written words. The image I have of you at 13 on your dad’s bed for hours before he passed is my sweetest/saddest memory of those days. I know you empathize more deeply than most. Love you, Lexi.

  3. Hey sis, so finally got to a computer today, and read your blog and totally cried! But, just so you know, that sweet daddy of yours checks in on you much more than “from time to time.” He’s probably there every moment that his little Casey needs him. He was named for a special reason, and I’m sure your father knows why. So, when you miss him, look in those big beautiful blue eyes and know that your daddy is right by his side. I love you so much.Your other sis

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